Being taken for granted by a guy is something that most of us have experienced in our lives at one point or another. It’s frustrating and makes us feel disposable and undervalued, not to mention foolish because we’ve let someone treat us in a way we don’t deserve. When you discover this is happening to you, here’s what to do.
- Think about what you’re getting from your relationship. All good relationships are about give and take. However, when things become one-sided and you’re the one doing all the compromising, it’s clear you’re being taken for granted. It could mean that your partner isn’t treating you with kindness and respect. It could mean that your partner isn’t cherishing their time and relationship with you and aren’t there for you. It could mean that they’ve done something like lied to you or even been unfaithful. Think about if that person is worth what they’re putting you through.
- Consider an outsider’s perspective. I know it can be difficult but try to remove yourself from the relationship enough to imagine what you would think or how you would react if a good friend of yours was in a similar relationship. Would you try to persuade her to leave the person? Would you sympathize and understand her reasons for staying? Would you be shocked that she was putting up with the treatment and behavior that her partner was exhibiting? Many times, it’s easier to see things clearly and more logically when you’re seeing it from the outside.
- Think about why you fell for this person to begin with. Maybe you fell madly in love with him. Maybe you’re still at the beginning stages of your relationship. However long you’ve been with him, think about what made you develop feelings for him in the first place. Was it his looks? His charm? His sense of humor? His overall personality? Sometimes relationships are unfortunately built on surface-level qualities. It’s nice to be physically attracted to someone of course, but if that’s all you have, you’re unlikely to have long-term respect and compassion for one another.
- Think about all of the situations in which you feel you’ve been taken for granted. There’s never an excuse for your partner to be taking you for granted, however, sometimes situations aren’t so night and day. If this is a one-time occurence, consider what your partner may be going through in their personal and professional life. Stress, grief, and depression can take a toll on all of us. Make a list, whether it’s mental or physically written down, and consider any/all instances where you’re partner has made you feel unimportant in their life and think about what was going on at that time. Doing this can really help to give you clarity.
- Seek advice from those you trust. Every relationship is different but I know that when I’m at a loss myself, it helps so much to turn to the people I trust and who I know have been through more than I have. Whether it’s a parent, a sister, or a friend, the people in your life who love you will be there to offer sage words of advice and suggestions for what you can do. Even if you don’t choose to handle your situation the way they have handled theirs, it can be so comforting just to know that others close to you have experienced similar things and that you’re not alone.
- Confront him. Sometimes we’re unaware of how our behavior is affecting others and that’s why this is so key. It doesn’t have to be an explosive argument and it shouldn’t be. Just go to your partner and be honest with them about how he’s making you feel. This will tell you so much about your relationship and if what you have with this person is real. If they truly care about you, they will see where you’re coming from and adjust their behavior accordingly. If he blows you off, denies that doing anything wrong, or just don’t seem to care, I think that tells you everything you need to know about him.
- Remind yourself of your own self-worth. Low self-esteem can cause us to settle for relationships that don’t stack up to our worth. It can be so hard to walk away from a bad or toxic relationship if we don’t think we deserve a better partner who truly sees us for who we are and cherishes us. Remind yourself of all of the great qualities that you have. Write them down. Say them to yourself in the mirror. Do it every single day if you have to. Wake up and tell yourself that you love yourself every, single morning. You’d be surprised at how much your mindset will change.
- Remind him of your worth. It’s not enough to tell yourself, tell him too. There is nothing wrong or shameful about going to your partner and telling him who you are and how lucky he should feel to have you. I mean, it’s not a lie, right? You’re a PRIZE, queen! Remind him that there is nothing stopping you from going out and finding someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It’s not stuck-up or conceited to know that you’re worthy of love and admiration. If he’s not willing to step up, you’ll step out.
- When all else fails, walk away. If you’ve done everything you can think of and you’ve finally had enough, it’s time to say goodbye. It wasn’t meant to be and life is way too short to waste your time on someone who doesn’t make you happy every day. Pack your bags and hit the road, darling. You’ll be fine and even though breakups are so painful, you’ll feel so proud of yourself for having the strength to walk away from something that is no longer serving you.
- Don’t walk away empty-handed. You should never walk away from a relationship without taking some great life lessons with you. Use what you went through as a guiding life for all of your future relationships. If you ever find yourself again in a situation where someone is taking you for granted, remember how empowering it was to walk away from it.
