When the guy you’re dating suddenly breaks the news that he’s not ready for anything serious, it’s only normal to hope that he’ll change with time or think that you can change his mind. Of course, this is a futile effort and not worth wasting your time or energy on. Here’s what to do when he says he’d rather keep things casual.
- Ask him questions. He said he’s only looking for something casual, but what does that actually mean to him? He said he wants to hang out, but does that mean he’s looking for friendship, friends with benefits, or what? You have to ask him questions to find out exactly where he’s at so that will remove future confusion.
- Believe him. Now’s not the time to think he’s playing hard to get or just trying to suss out your feelings. That’s the worst thing you can do because it will fill you with hope that he wants a committed relationship and you’ll get your heart smashed. He’ll be able to walk away feeling much less pain than what you’ll be in, so guard your heart.
- Don’t try to change him. You should never try to change anyone because you know what happens – it doesn’t work and you just waste your time looking like a manipulative person. Don’t even consider trying to make him change his mind about his relationship goals by showing him how amazing you’d be as a girlfriend.
- Don’t fall for his confusion. “But what if he’s just confused right now?” You might ask yourself this question, thinking that he could change his mind from wanting something casual to something more. Okay, so he might be confused, but that doesn’t mean you should allow his confusion to make you confused. It’s just not worth it. It’s so much better for you to choose someone who knows what they want.
- Don’t put your life on hold. It’s easy to think that he’ll come around after some time, but don’t fool yourself! You shouldn’t waste your dating life because you’re holding out for this guy. Again, if he wanted you, he’d have said he wanted a real relationship with you.
- Don’t let his lies get to you. Not all guys are going to be straight forward with you about what they want and that they only want something casual. The guy you’re with might lie to you to try to keep you in his life, even though he sees zero hope for a relationship future with you. For example, he might flirt with you a lot when he senses that you’re pulling away from him, but that’s just to get you where he wants you. It doesn’t mean anything.
- Ditto for those confusing messages. He said he wasn’t keen on anything serious but then he told you how amazing you are and you started to wonder if that meant something more. Could he have feelings? Could he pluck up the courage to take a leap of faith with you? Yeah, it’s romantic and all, but don’t spend hours trying to figure out “clues” in his messages. There are no clues! If he wants you, he’ll be with you.
- Bring it back to you. Now’s the perfect time to take stock of your feelings and needs. What do you really want? You know yourself and you know what’s in your heart. If you ignore your gut and try to fool yourself into thinking you want something fun and light, you’ll just get hurt by him. Of course, that situation might not apply to you. If you don’t have real feelings for this guy and just want to enjoy some time together, then by all means go ahead without any strings.
- Back off. If you want something serious, you should take your cue to back off from the guy. You can’t spend so much time with him, investing energy into what you hoped would be a relationship, because that’s going to hurt like stepping on Lego every single time you see him. Every time you’ll have hope, then you’ll crash back down to earth. It’s not worth it.
- Figure out your boundaries. Do you still want the guy in your life, though? Can you be friends? Or will you feel better if you make a clean break? These are important questions to ask yourself because you need to set some boundaries with him for your own sanity. No guy’s worth that.
