Despite having well over a decade of dating experience under my belt, at times I remain befuddled by things women say— and I know I’m not the only guy who feels this way. In fact, a lot of us could use some translations for these common things you say.
1. “We’ll see.”
I have a sneaking suspicion that “we’ll see” is actually code for “no,” but why women can’t just say no when that’s what they mean is beyond me. To be honest, hearing “we’ll see” still gives us a glimmer of hope that a woman will come around to what we’re asking for, although I’m not sure that’s ever been the case.
2. “Does this make me look fat?”
Honestly, what do you want us to say to this? Obviously, we’re going to say no. Nothing good is going to come from answering in the affirmative. I just don’t understand why women insist on asking men this question; you know the answer you’re getting and you’re just going to accuse us of lying afterward, so what’s the point?
3. “What are you thinking?”
Personally, I’ve always dreaded girlfriends asking me this question. Guys feel like there’s a specific answer that you’re looking for but we have no idea what that answer may be. Most of the time, we just end up answering with “I don’t know,” which we know doesn’t help, but we’re just so confused by the question that this seems like the safest way out of the situation.
4. “You’re just like my ex.”
“Excuse me, what does that mean?” is my usual response to this, to which she replies, “Oh, nothing.” Of course, that just puts us at an impasse. Honestly, we don’t know whether it’s a good thing or not that we’re similar to your ex. Does it mean we’re just your type or that we have the same fatal flaw that will lead us to us breaking up? Please, ladies, avoid comparing the guy you’re with to your ex; it doesn’t help anyone.
5. “We need to talk.”
For the record, nobody needs to talk. You may want to talk to us about something, and that’s fine, but we don’t need to talk. Saying this just sends men into a mind warp in which we’re trying to remember anything we might have done wrong. When we can’t think of anything, we’re left confused as to why you think we “need” to talk.
6. “Notice anything different?”
Most of us despise guessing games. Did you change your hairstyle, get a new piercing, or have a baby bump we should have noticed? Please, if you have something to tell us, just come out and tell me. Honestly, we don’t know what’s different about you that we should have noticed and we don’t understand why you’re trying to make us guess when you know we’ll probably guess wrong.
7. “Is that what you’re wearing?”
Well, you see us wearing it, so yeah, this is what we’re wearing. We just don’t understand why women have to be so passive-aggressive about men’s wardrobe choices. If you do it enough, your boyfriend/husband is going to become self-conscious about everything he wears. If you have a suggestion for what we should wear, that’s wonderful, but please don’t make things vague and hard to understand with a comment like this.
8. “Can we not have sex tonight?”
If you’re going to say this, it’s going to require some sort of explanation. A lot of men will be worried about asking why, leaving us to worry about if it’s something we did the last time we slept together. It’s totally cool if you want to take a night off, but without giving the guy a reason (even a made-up reason), he’s just going to drown in a sea of confusion over why you don’t want to sleep with him.
9. “I’m fine.”
You say this, but you say it in a way that makes it obvious that you’re not fine, and now we don’t know what to think. Is it something we did? Is there something we can do to make you feel better? Please, say something that lets us know how you’re feeling so we don’t start obsessing over what you possibly could have meant by “I’m fine.”
10. Silence.
The only thing worse than a woman saying something curt and ambiguous is when she doesn’t say anything at all. Not to generalize, but there’s almost some thought swirling inside a woman’s head, so when she just remains silent, it’s more confusing than anything she could possibly say.
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