Every relationship has its challenges and bumps in the road but they shouldn’t feel insurmountable. Your partner may mean the best, but if they’re challenging you in all sorts of ways (and not the good kind), maybe it’s not meant to be. Here are some signs that’s the case.
- They give you lots of unsolicited advice. If your partner’s telling you what you should and shouldn’t be doing in an unsolicited way, they might not be worth your time. You should be able to just live your life without someone attempting to live it for you. If you’re looking for advice, that’s different, of course. I’m talking about when it comes without asking.
- You’re hyper-aware of your weaknesses around them. Perhaps they highlight your weaknesses on a regular basis or you just feel self-conscious around them. Either way, it isn’t good. You should feel like your weaknesses are only a small part of who you are. They shouldn’t feel like they’re all-encompassing because your partner highlights them as such. Your partner’s definitely too challenging for you.
- Your needs aren’t being met. This is a huge indicator that your partner is too much of a challenge (and maybe not enough for you). You deserve to have your needs met and you deserve to be with someone who can meet them. Being with someone who consistently fails at ensuring your needs are fulfilled is definitely not cool.
- Everything is about them. Whenever you’re having a disagreement, they’re the victim. The tables are always turned onto you as the issue and them as the one needing consolation. If you’re talking about your feelings, they manage to make the conversation about them. Basically, they are all about themselves.
- You’ve ditched plans with friends to deal with fights. Uh oh, if you’re guilty of this happening more than once (or even once), this is an indicator of a problem. You and your partner are fighting like crazy and it feels too unresolved, so you cancel the plans you had with friends. This is a sign of toxicity if you can’t put things on the shelf for a bit and come back to them.
- They’re passive aggressive towards you. Any signs of someone being passive aggressive are a no-go. You don’t want someone who doesn’t know how to deal with their emotions, so instead, they act in sporadic and unfair ways. Passive aggressiveness happens when someone feels insecure and dysregulated. This isn’t the state of a person you want so close to you!
- They make “jokes” that aren’t really jokes. Maybe the jokes are making fun of you; they’re always at your expense. Your partner thinks they’re funny, but honestly, they hurt. Like when they make fun of how much makeup you put on—in a joking way—it still sucks. This just shows that your partner is cruel and has little sensitivity or empathy. Not a good sign!
- They don’t listen to you. This is a huge issue: you don’t feel heard in your relationship. You talk but it feels like no one is on the other side listening. You express feelings that you’re having and they brush them off or even say you’re overreacting. Or perhaps they just totally shut down when you’re starting to open up and be vulnerable with them. All of these instances are super troublesome.
- They get defensive when you push back. A relationship is a give and take. Sometimes you have to call your partner out for something that they’re doing or not doing. A bad sign is that they get super defensive when you do this. If you do it all the time, their defensiveness might be understandable, but if it’s just once in a great while, this is a warning that your partner may not be the best fit for you.
- You’re emotionally drained. You can be emotionally drained from all sorts of things: work, school, relationships, etc. You know when it has to do with your relationship, though, because you’re especially exhausted in matters relating to it. Your partner may be pushing your buttons so much that you just feel like you’ve had it. This is a sign that your partner is too much of a challenge and you need to say goodbye.
