I’ve been rolling solo for a while now, and while I love the single life, the longer I’m alone, the harder it gets to meet someone. It’s kind of a downer.
- I’m getting fussier. The older and more confident in myself I get, the less I feel inclined to settle. While I know that no one is perfect (except for Ryan Reynolds, of course), I feel strongly that I deserve the best, and therefore I often quickly discount men for qualities I find undesirable. When I was younger, I at least would have given these guys a chance.
- I bail at the slightest sign of trouble. Years ago, as a lesser experienced woman, I would have forgiven many sins before the final straw. Now, after some great and many not-so-great dating experiences, I bail at the first sign of weakness. He cancels plans at the last minute? Takes days to reply to messages? Claims he prefers The Big Bang Theory to Brooklyn Nine-Nine? One wrong move and he’s out.
- My ideals are romanticized. When you’ve been single for a while, it’s easy to get caught up in the endless romantic films, books, and even real-life stories you hear from friends about how people fall in love. This can give a perception of romance that’s totally unrealistic and leads to feelings of dissatisfaction with your own dating life.
- People around me getting engaged puts me off. The older I get, friends and acquaintances around me are starting to get engaged. Hearing about the huge quantities of money being spent on venues, dresses, and flowers makes me nauseous. As a single person, I’d rather use that money towards a house or for an extended trip, making the idea of finding someone and settling down to blow my life savings on one day less appealing.
- The older I get, the fewer guys are available. I’m at the stage of my life where most of my friends are in long-term committed relationships, as are seemingly the majority of people my age. This means there is a distinct lack of availability when it comes to eligible guys, and sometimes there’s a slight air of desperation to single guys that I do meet. The more time goes on, the less chance it feels there is of meeting someone amazing.
- I’m too aware of red flags for my own good. I wouldn’t necessarily award myself the title of “experienced” when it comes to dating, but over time I’ve certainly learned a lot about red flags to watch out for. It’s at the point now where one slight thing—he’s half an hour late without good reason to the first date, for example—sets off alarm bells in my head, meaning I quickly rule out guys for (possibly) minor infringements.
- I’m sick of trying to meet guys in clubs and bars. Sticky floors, overpriced drinks, and creepy men—the nightclub is a tiresome environment. Moreover, actually meeting a nice guy in one seems to get more difficult over time. Even if you spot a cute guy and get the confidence to approach him, there’s a chance he has a girlfriend or simply won’t be interested, making you feel like the whole thing just isn’t worth it.
- My coupled-up friends are bad wingmen. I have lots of wonderful and kind friends who are in happy relationships and therefore have no desire to speak to strange men in bars. This makes things a bit difficult since when we go out, they’re very closed off to everyone around them. Men are less likely to approach us, and if I saw someone I liked the look of, I would feel awkward mentioning it. Trying to speak to someone else when I’m meant to be catching up with a friend might not go down well.
- Dating apps are challenging. Tinder is tiring, Bumble is boring, and Hinge is old-hat. Swiping endlessly through blurry photo after blurry photo all becomes a bit much after a while. Throw in a load of much-of-a-muchness dates, perfectly average and nothing more, and you start to think you’re better off alone after all. At least that’s the point I’m quickly getting to.
- I’m set in my ways. Because I’m used to my single life and I’m amazing at self-care, not only do I enjoy spending time alone but I actually crave it after a busy week of work and socializing. My specialty includes a premium face mask in the bath, with a glass of wine listening to one of my favorite podcasts. Am I ready to share the bath with another person? Nope; I’m too set my in ways and possibly too selfish to let someone new into my life right now.
