I Love You, But I Love Myself More

I Love You, But I Love Myself More ©iStock/Coffee&Milk

I don’t care how strong my feelings are for you. I don’t care if we’ve been dating for months or even years. If you end up being unhealthy for me, then I can’t keep dating you. I love you, but I love myself more.

  1. I won’t destroy myself for a man. I won’t show up late for work, because I was up all night crying over you. I won’t ruin my body, because I’m so hung up on you that I forget to eat. I won’t let dating you become an excuse for torturing myself, because I deserve better than that.
  2. My mental health is more important than my relationship status. I’d rather be single than constantly stressed out about whether you’re going to call or show up on our date. I’d rather sleep alone than sit up all night, waiting for you to come home. I’m going to be in a healthy relationship or in no relationship at all.
  3. I know what I want. I don’t want to be treated like a side hoe and I don’t want to be used for sex. I’m not going to accept poor treatment like that. Not anymore.
  4. You won’t ruin my hard work. Do you know how long it’s taken me to learn to love myself, flaws and all? I’m not going to let you tear me down until I go back to thinking I’m a worthless piece of crap. I’m done thinking of myself that way.
  5. You’re not my first priority. I’m my first priority. It sounds selfish, but it’s the way it has to be. I have to put my needs in front of your wants in order to stay sane.
  6. I don’t deserve abuse. It doesn’t matter how much I care about you. If you scar me, emotionally or physically, then I can’t keep sticking around. I need to do what’s best for myself, and that means distancing myself from my abuser.
  7. My happiness matters. I can’t stay in a relationship with you, because it’s what’s best for you. I have to do what’s best for me. Even if I love you, I’m going to leave you if I know I’d be happier without you in my life.
  8. I don’t need your love that badly. If your love is going to destroy me, then I don’t actually need it. I’m not that desperate. I already have enough love for myself to get me through my days.
  9. I know myself inside and out. It doesn’t matter how deep my love is for you. If you’re cheating on me, or if you’re not giving me adequate attention, then I can’t date you. I know what I want, and I’m not going to stay with a man who can’t give me everything that I need.
  10. I love every inch of me. And I expect you to love every inch of me, too. If you only love my body, but not my brain, or vice versa, then I’m going to find someone who appreciates everything that I have to offer. After all, I’m a catch.
Holly Riordan is a writer from Long Island, New York who has authored several science fiction and horror books. A graduate of Stony Brook University, she has spent nearly a decade writing for publications including Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Teen Vogue, and more. You can find her on Instagram @hollyrio and Twitter @hollyyrio.
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