I don’t really believe in “girl code” and I don’t follow it, especially when it comes to dating. Obviously I’m not going to go out and steal my friends’ boyfriends, but there are situations in which I think it’s totally appropriate to date a dude my friend has been out with before—like when this guy who gave my friend an STD asked me out. It was a tough decision but here’s why I said yes in the end:
- She’s not my friend anymore. In trying to come up with rock solid reasoning for going along with a date, this was my first thought. Crappy, I know. I wouldn’t think twice about this if she was just an acquaintance. I’d be all over that boy like white on rice.
- She was my best friend for years. Even though our friendship ended a few months prior, it still felt like a betrayal. I literally owed her nothing. I couldn’t help but think about if we were still friends, though. If we were, I’d like to think my train of thought would have ended there. Is there a guideline for how long you have to wait before going out with a guy your friend slept with? Inquiring minds want to know.
- He might not have even given her the STD. Not saying he was/is a saint, but neither was she. I know I sound like a jerk right now, but there’s no way of knowing it was him. Girls get stuff like this pinned on them all the time. Why? Because guys are too embarrassed to admit when they messed up. Using a scapegoat is easier than admitting he can’t remember who he had sex with. It’s not unlikely she would do the same.
- Of course, there was a chance he did give her an STD… There was a 50/50 shot at this being a possibility. If I did go out with him and juice got me loose, say I ended up having sex with him. How was I supposed to get off knowing I may walk away with a set of baggage that I did NOT show up to the date with? I could always ask, but how do you ask that kind of question? “Hey, my friend said you gave her chlamydia. True or nah?”
- They only slept together once. Think of the men in your shared friend/acquaintance circle. Think of your most promiscuous friend. How many of them has she already slept with, that you know of? Now consider this: You can never go out with any guy who has slept with her/them, even if it was just once. Might as well go get a volleyball, name it Wilson, proclaim it your BF, and be on your merry way because guess what? You’re out of living men to date.
- I didn’t pursue him. One day we ended up chatting on Instagram (barf) because he was in my area, so we exchanged numbers because that’s what normal people do. But let it be known that I didn’t go out of my way for him. I have better things to do with my time.
- I liked the attention. Sue me, okay? I’m as single as the day is bright and I like it when a guy calls me hot/beautiful/cute/sexy/compares me to Daenerys Targaryen. Honestly, I don’t know how to flirt or capture a man’s attention on my own, so when a guy hops to my side of the fence, without provocation, I’m there for it. Who could blame me?
- They haven’t spoken in months. This part may be a lie. Since he’s my only source of information, I had to take this with a grain of salt. I was basically thinking that it was a kind of use-it-or-lose-it deal. They haven’t talked in 4 months? Okay, fine. She hereby loses the right to keep that man on hold. There’s no layaway for men.
- She slept with nearly all of his close friends. I didn’t know this part. He knows what she did and is grossed out. She couldn’t possibly expect for anything ever happening between them again. However, I can’t judge her because I fully support homegirls getting theirs. I’m just saying… their ship sailed after the big bang.
- We had a scary amount in common. Not saying he and I are star-crossed lovers—all I’m pointing out is that we like the same music. We’re from the same area. We have the same mannerisms and an identical outlook toward life and goals. So, knowing my friend and kind of knowing him, I knew without a doubt that those two have nothing in common.
- I’m not trying to marry the guy. It’s one date. In fact, it’s only an idea of a date. As in, time/place/manner of seriousness haven’t been set. Essentially, I’m working with a hypothetical date at this point. My problem with this whole shebang is that I look like Judas if this date actually follows through. Being a girl blows.
