You’ll Never Be My Number One — That Spot Is Reserved For Me

For many people, falling in love means putting someone else’s wants and needs above your own. Sorry, but I don’t believe in that. No matter how much I adore a guy, I refuse to make him the most important person in my life.No matter how much I adore a guy, I refuse to make him the most important person in my life. It’s nothing personal — I’ve just learned to put myself first, and this is why:

  1. People can change. Everyone is constantly changing. Most of the time it’s for the better, but sometimes it isn’t. People can turn spiteful, jealous, angry, and downright resentful. I don’t want to waste my time putting someone first, only to be left in the dust when they flip on me. I choose to devote my energy to myself by staying away from the negativity.
  2. I can’t help others unless I help myself. There’s no way I can be a good friend, daughter, sister, or roommate if I feel empty inside. The only way I know how to truly help someone else is to be a full, happy person on my own. That way I can be the best person I need to be for my loved ones.
  3. I’m the only person I can trust 100 percent. It’s not that I don’t trust people. In fact, I have plenty of people in my life that I would trust with my deepest secrets. But I know without a doubt that I’m the only one I can trust completely because only I know what’s truly right for me.
  4. I know I can depend on myselfI can’t tell you how many times I’ve been burned by someone who said they were going to do one thing and then did the complete opposite. At least if I make a promise to myself, I can be sure that’ll I’ll keep it. I refuse to let myself down the way so many other people have.
  5. Everyone has disappointed me at least once. If you’re a part of a long-term relationship, eventually you’re going to be disappointed. So instead of putting all my hopes and faith into other people, I put it into myself. At least that way I know I can control the outcome.
  6. In the end, it’s up to me. No one is going to build me my dream house, buy me my dream car, or take me on my dream vacation. I know that if I want something, I have to be the person to work for it. So I’m going to spend my time on me, building the life I want.
  7. I’m the one I spend the most time with. Even though I have amazing friends and the best family a girl could ask for, I’m still stuck with myself for life. Of all the relationships I have, the one with me is the one that matters most. As much as I love everyone around me, I know I can’t forget to prioritize my own happiness.
  8. I can’t make anyone stick around for me. Look, as much as I’d love all my friends and family to constantly be by my side, I know they have their own lives to think about. I can’t force anyone to be with me constantly, which means that some of the time I’ll end up alone. Because of that, I want to make sure I devote my energy to giving myself the best life possible.
  9. I’ll never regret putting myself first. When I look back on my life, I want to make sure that it was the life I wanted. I want to see that I was living for myself instead of what other people wanted or needed. If I can do that, I’ll consider myself successful.
  10. I’m worth it. I’m a pretty awesome person, if I do say so myself. I deserve to be the number-one priority in someone’s life, so it may as well be my own. I’m worthy of love, attention, and respect, and most of all, I’m worthy of the energy it takes to give myself all of that.
Piper Ryan is a NYC-based writer and matchmaker who works to bring millennials who are sick of dating apps and the bar scene together in an organic and efficient way. To date, she's paired up more than 120 couples, many of whom have gone on to get married. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Cut, and many more.

In addition to runnnig her own business, Piper is passionate about charity work, advocating for vulnerable women and children in her local area and across the country. She is currently working on her first book, a non-fiction collection of stories focusing on female empowerment.
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