These Things Might Make You Think He’s The Right Guy, But You’re Wrong

When you’ve been single for a while, men you would have never even considered dating before start to look a lot more appealing. As a result, many of us end up with guys who really aren’t all that great for us even though we could have sworn they were at first. There are lots of things that go into making a man boyfriend material, but before you get too serious with that guy you’re talking to, make sure you’re not just into him for these reasons alone:

  1. Everyone else loves him. While it’s great to have the approval of your friends and family when it comes to the person you’re dating, it’s not necessary. A lot of the people I love most would pick a completely different guy for me than I’d pick for myself, so I’ve learned to take their opinions about the men in my life with a grain of salt. In the end, YOU are dating this guy, not your mom or BFF or brother, so never let their opinions have too much of an impact on your decision to date someone.
  2. He’s hot. Some of us are lucky enough to land a guy who looks like an underwear model and acts like the male protagonist from a Nicholas Sparks novel, but most of us will have to develop more reasonable standards. If you have to make a few sacrifices in the looks department, it’s not a big deal — we all get wrinkly eventually, but a guy’s winning personality will still be there when you’re both eighty. That’s obviously not to say that you should settle for someone you’re not even remotely attracted to, but rather that a guy’s appearance shouldn’t be the factor that determines whether or not you want to be with him.
  3. He looks good on paper. He’s a doctor, looks like a Latino version of Channing Tatum, and shares your taste in Netflix shows. He’s a dream come true, right? Well, maybe, maybe not. If you don’t feel anything for a guy who checks off all the boxes for your paint-by-numbers future hubby, you’ll never be happy with him no matter how perfect he seems. Mutual attraction and chemistry are infinitely more important than all those surface qualifications.
  4. He’s attracted to you. Never date a guy solely for the fact that he thinks you’re pretty. Trust me — even if your self-esteem isn’t through the roof, I guarantee there are plenty of guys out there who love looking at you. If a man becomes a victim of Love At First Sight when he sees you, but you aren’t into him, don’t settle for him just because you worry that it will be hard to find someone else who wants to kiss you.
  5. He promises you the world. Words, words, words. If this guy can’t back them up with actions, he’s not worth your time. Way too many dudes make lofty, romantic vows to women without any intention of following through, and sadly, plenty of ladies fall for it. If you haven’t seen evidence that this guy is going to treat you as well as he says he will, leave him behind and find someone who lets his actions do the talking.
  6. He treats you with basic human decency. I’ll admit that I’ve messed up on this one a few times. A lot of us get so accustomed to guys treating us like crap that when one shows up and gives us the minimum amount of respect and affection, we fall head over heels for him regardless of his other qualities. There are plenty of men out there who have mastered the art of not being complete jerks, so don’t be afraid to wait for one who makes your heart do backflips instead of one who makes you shrug your shoulders and say, “That’ll do.”
  7. The sex is good. Sex is an important part of a relationship, but not all of it. There are lots of duos who have impeccable sexual chemistry, but horrible romantic chemistry. There are many important ingredients that go into an awesome relationship, and you shouldn’t ignore the rest just because one part is especially impressive.
  8. His life revolves around you. This seems romantic on the surface, but before you decide he’s the one for you, ask yourself if he has a life of his own. A guy who obsesses over you doesn’t have a healthy mindset. At best, he’s not enough of an individual to have a life of his own to focus on, and at worst, he might turn into a dangerous stalker if you decide to cut things off with him. Either way, it’s better to nip this in the bud as soon as possible.
  9. He’s “normal.” He has a job you can tell your friends about, he’s not secretly having sex with his sister, and he lives in a one-bedroom apartment instead of a secret underground hideout in the middle of the woods. Normalcy can feel like exceptionalism after you deal with enough weirdos, but believe me: there are plenty of normal guys out there who could put butterflies in your stomach. You don’t need to settle for someone just because he’s not completely insane.
  10. He hates all his exes. On one hand, you feel bad that literally all of this guy’s exes are complete nutjobs. On the other hand, yay! You don’t have to deal with baggage, right? Well, not so fast. It’s not uncommon for a person to never want to see his exes again, but if he has nothing nice to say about any of them, remember that the common link between all of these “crazy” women is HIM. Maybe the guy you’re into really did just have bad luck with women in the past, but a more likely scenario is that he’s the jerk and you’d be better off with someone else.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.
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