You sent him a text and he still hasn’t replied days later. You’ve seen him posting on Instagram and he’s been active on Facebook, so what gives? It’s enough to make you go nuts, but don’t let it. Here’s what to do when a guy takes forever to reply to your texts, whether you’ve just met the guy or have been dating him for a while.
- Back off. Seriously, now’s not the time to double-text, no matter how much he’s said in the past that it’s no big deal. The worst thing you can do is force the guy to reply to you.
- Figure out if it’s his texting style. If this is something a guy you’ve just met is doing but he shows you in other ways that he’s keen on you, it could just his texting style. It might not be something to feel alarmed about. If, on the other hand, you’ve known the guy for a while and he’s never done this before, then that could point to him experiencing a change in feelings.
- Get some perspective. It’s easy to have texting tunnel vision: you think that the only possible reason for why he’s not replying is that he’s not into you, but there’s so much else that could be going on. What if he had a family emergency? What if something happened to his phone? It’s not always about you.
- Distract yourself. You’ve got loads of other stuff going on. It’s important that you protect your energy and don’t let this guy zap it. Staying busy will help you to distract yourself, and chances are once you put it out of your mind for a while, you’ll be able to think more calmly about it.
- Don’t initiate contact until he replies. This is a tough one but it’s so important to do if you’ve just met the guy because how you behave will have a lasting effect. If you initiate contact after he’s taken his sweet time to get back to you, you basically send the unwritten message that you’ll always be the one to make up for what he doesn’t give you. That’s BS! Let him make an effort. Let him miss you like mad!
- Talk to him about it. If you’re dating the guy and it pisses you off so much when he doesn’t reply to your messages for hours at a time, let him know. Tell him how it makes you feel so that you explain to him that it hurts. Communicating about it could help you realize why it’s happening so that if it’s just his texting style or he doesn’t reply when he doesn’t feel you need a reply, you won’t have to feel bad about it in the future.
- Tell him what you need. Linked to the above point is being open with your partner about what you need. Compromise is an important part of any relationship, and you guys should both be willing to meet each other halfway on this issue. Does he need some time after work to zone out and put his mobile on airplane mode? Great. Do you need an answer to important questions you ask via text so that you feel like you’re his priority? Great.
- Look at the rest of your relationship. If you guys seem to be out of sync at times via text but the rest of your relationship is fine and you feel confident about how your partner feels about you, then maybe the texting thing isn’t such a major thing. You might be able to make peace with it.
- Focus on your deal breakers. Is it a deal breaker for you to be with someone who doesn’t reply to all your messages or leaves you on “read” for days? Figure out what your boundaries are and what you won’t put up with. While having different texting styles doesn’t have to be a big deal, it can be in some cases. What if you’re the type of person who wants daily contact? If that’s the case, you shouldn’t settle for less than his texts.
- What if he just won’t compromise? If your partner can’t meet you halfway on the texting issue or at least be open to your thoughts and feelings, then that’s a huge sign the problem is much bigger than texting. Maybe that’s the actual deal breaker that you’re dealing with here!
