What If Texting Was Never Invented?

It’s safe to say we’ve all become extremely reliant on texting for communication. It’s quick, it’s convenient, and easy. Your grandma probably texts you, that’s how easy it is. But there are a few ways texting has made our lives more difficult too. Ever stared at that stupid, moving ellipses for what seemed like hours, only for it to disappear making you think, “RESPOND FASTER!” Most of us remember when texting wasn’t a thing, and we actually called if we wanted to talk to someone, but the teens of today have had cell phones since they were eight. They have never known a world without texting. Weird, right? How different would the world be right now if texting never became the necessity it is today?

1. He would never be able to infuriate you by just texting back, ‘K’. You just poured your heart out to him, and all he has to say is ‘K’?! He’d never dream of saying that on the phone. Probably because he’s doing a million things at once, and ‘K’ was all he could muster. But if you were talking on the phone, he’d have to give you his undivided attention.
2. You wouldn’t have to relive your mortifying drunk texts. I sent what?! At least if you drunk dialed someone you wouldn’t have to listen to the incoherent things you were slurring. With texts, it’s all right there taunting you until you read it while face palming.
3. He would actually call to ask you out. Forget the casual, late Thursday “what are you up to this weekend” texts. He’d actually have to make a conscious effort to get a hold of you, and put some thought into what he was going to say.
4. A lot less booty calling. Sending a 2am experimental “hey” is a whole lot easier than actually having to call someone and ask if you can stop by in the middle of the night to get laid.
5. People would cancel plans a lot less. Again, texting someone “sorry, I can’t make it” is a lot easier than having to call and explain that you really want to come, but you’ve already put on your sweats and planted your ass in front of the TV for the night. Lying is easier over text. It’s a fact.
6. Or people would end up getting stood up with no explanation a lot more. When your choices are making an awkward phone call or just saying nothing, there are (albeit rude) people out there who would rather just pretend they forgot you had plans at all.
7. You’d spend a lot of time wondering how long it would be before your chronically late friend would finally show up.
   Since she can’t text you in 5 minute intervals apologizing profusely, you’ll just be sitting there clueless as to whether this is the time she’s actually not going to show up at all.
8. Autocorrect fail wouldn’t be a thing. Your mom wouldn’t be able to accidentally text you things like “Did you eat all the penis?” when she meant to say “peanuts”.
9. You’d actually have to schedule time to catch up with your long distance bestie. Instead of firing off a couple texts when you have to tell her something, you’d have to have a standing phone call appointment for every Sunday evening.
10. You and your friends wouldn’t be able to spend a whole evening analyzing what his “lol” text really meant. It’s never about just that one text either. You need to take context, what you were talking about before and after, and how far apart his texts were into consideration too. Without texts, you’d only have your memory of the conversation to obsess over.
11. Guys would email you penis pics instead. No texting would not stop any guy from sending that penis pic. He’ll pull up his email, and send it to you that way if he has to. It won’t concern him that you’ll probably end up opening that attachment while you’re at work the next day. His penis demands an audience.
12. You’d have to figure out some kind of secret hand signal to let your friend know there was a hot guy checking her out. Instead of texting her inconspicuously so she doesn’t turn around and gawk like a weirdo, you’d have to work out a system similar to what a pitcher has to deal with in baseball.
13. You’d actually have to use your voice to ask your boyfriend to bring you a glass of water from the kitchen. Or heaven forbid, maybe even get up and get it yourself.