If We’re Dating, Being A Bad Texter Is A Dealbreaker

When I’m interested in dating someone, their texting needs to be on point. I don’t have the patience for people who take forever to reply, never text first, or send cryptic messages. My communication style is straightforward and bold, and I expect the same from a partner.

1. I don’t expect you to message me 24/7. Look, I understand that we’re adults. You have a job and responsibilities, that’s fine — so do I. I don’t expect you to be texting me all day while you’re at work. However, I do expect you to text me on breaks and when you’re free after work. It’s really not that unreasonable.
2. Being “busy” is a BS excuse. I’m talking about bad texters specifically in the context of dating. If a friend said she’s too busy to text me back, I have more lenience. But if I’m dating you regularly and you’re “too busy” to reply to me, we need to reevaluate if there’s room for me in your life. You either need to make room for me or consider me gone because I’m not going to settle for being low on your list of priorities.
3. I deserve to know I’m a high priority. If someone likes me, they’ll make time and space for me in their life. Texting is a huge communication method. If I matter to you, you’ll use it to communicate with me on a regular basis. In doing this, you’re indicating to me how much of a priority I am. On the other hand, when someone consistently takes 5-10 hours to respond to one text, I know they aren’t prioritizing me.
4. I’d rather get a text saying, “I’m busy, talk later!” than no text all. Like I said, I’m not totally unreasonable. I know you have a life outside of me. In fact, I like that! But, if we’re building something long-term, it’s helpful to be in communication about our lives. A simple text saying, “It’s going to be a busy day at work” lets me know that you cared enough to pause and fill me in so that I’m not left wondering. The alternative is going an hour day without saying anything. I hate that!
5. If you like someone, aren’t you excited to talk to them? I know that when I like someone, I get all giddy talking to them. My heart skips a beat when I get a text or see them replying. I like sending sweet things and talking to them about our days. I guess I expect the same from the other person. If you like me, aren’t you super excited to talk to me throughout the day?
6. I don’t want to always be the one who texts first. I don’t mind texting first and I do it often. I like to be clear about the fact that I’m interested in someone with both my words and my actions. Still, I’m not up for constantly being the one who instigates conversation. It’s confusing to me and makes me feel like the other person isn’t as interested as I am. I do not appreciate wasting my time.
7. There’s a good chance bad texting indicates that you just don’t like me. I try not to jump to conclusions before I’ve spoken to the person, but I can’t help it if you consistently take forever to respond or you send responses that are clearly not thought out. Although I’d rather you just tell me if you don’t like me, I can take a hint and will draw this conclusion if the texting situation is consistently awful.
8. Good communication matters. Texting is just part of being in a relationship as a millennial. It’s part of the deal because texts are a huge method of communication for our generation. In-person and phone call communication is wonderful, too, but texting has to be part of the mix. If you can’t effectively communicate over text, it’s going to have to be a deal breaker for me.
9. I’m going to make up all sorts of reasons about why you’re not responding. I’m only a human. I can talk myself down from obsessively attempting to read your mind most of the time, but not all the time. I’m inevitably going to create reasons why you haven’t responded like maybe you’re not interested, you’re seeing someone, or something bad happened to you. A little bit of this mind-wandering here and there is okay, but I hate going crazy all of the time!
10. I don’t do games. This isn’t always the case, but some people play weird games like they intentionally wait to respond or they never double text. I throw all of these games out of the window; I’m not interested in them. If I like you, I’m going to be crystal clear about it!