Things Only People Who Date in Small Towns Understand

Things Only People Who Date in Small Towns Understand ©iStock/visualspace

Three years ago, I moved from a city of 4 million people to a much, much smaller town. When it came to my romantic life, I imagined myself as Rachel Bilson in Hart of Dixie: all fish out of water experiences and handsome, small town gentlemen with lilting Southern accents. (I live in Canada. I have no idea what I was thinking.) Unsurprisingly, reality and fantasy haven’t exactly lined up. Here are a few things that people who live and date in small towns can surely relate to.

  1. Everyone knows everyone. My hometown is located on an island, which friends have lovingly nicknamed “Bacon Island” – not only because of its shape, but because everyone seems to be interconnected, Kevin Bacon style. However, instead of six degrees of separation, it’s more like two or three, max. Sound familiar? There’s a good chance that the people you date know your friends, your parents or that you took Sunday morning swimming classes with them and you just don’t remember.
  2. You’ve dated people who know each other and things got weird. You date one dude. Then you date another dude who kind of knows that other dude. Then you end up fooling around with that dude’s friend one night after drinking too much champagne… and so it goes. It doesn’t really hit you that these people all know each other until you log on to Facebook, see a photo of the three of them together and think to yourself, “Yep, I’ve seen all of these guys’ penises.”
  3. Nowhere is safe. You can’t believe that Jerry Seinfeld ever complained about the awkward ‘stop and chat’ – he lived in Manhattan, an island full of millions of people, for pete’s sake! When you’re living and dating in a small town, the likelihood of an awkward stop and chat lurks around every corner like a creepy stalker. Remember that guy you went on an uncomfortable coffee date with? Yeah, you run into him at the dry cleaners. And the coffee shop. And at your friend’s birthday party. Living in a small town means never being able to say, “Well, I probably won’t ever see him again.”
  4. The online world and the IRL world collide on a regular basis. Tell me if this sounds familiar: you’re at your favourite dive bar with a friend and you see a guy smiling creepily at you from across the dance floor. He looks familiar, but you can’t place him. Then you remember! He’s the guy you rejected on OKCupid. Eight times. Oh god, he’s waving now. NOWHERE IS SAFE. I REPEAT, NOWHERE IS SAFE.
  5. Your online dating inbox starts to resemble the “missed connections” section of Craigslist. You go for a beer with a guy you met online, only to come home to a message from another guy you’ve never met that says, “Hey did I see you at the bar tonight?” This isn’t the first time this has happened. You’ve also received similar messages that say stuff like, “Hey, I think I saw you at the mall. You’re looking good! I don’t know if you saw me, but I was the guy in the red beanie” – because, sending strangers messages like this isn’t creepy at all.
  6. When you log on to Tinder or OkCupid and start swiping, after a few minutes you get the message that says, “We’ve run out of local singles in your area. Try again later.”  This is an online dating site, not a Pottery Barn. How could they be out of singles? Oh right, small town!
  7. You’re legitimately worried that you may have dated everyone already.  Is it possible that Tinder is telling the truth and that you’ve truly exhausted the town’s dating resources?! This is just one of the many thoughts that keeps you up at night.
Simone is a freelance writer and author of the sexy and irreverent blog Skinny Dip. When she's not writing her heart out, she loves wandering her city with a large cup of coffee in hand, in search of the next great story.
close-link
close-link