Things I Wish I Could Say To The Best Friend Who Dumped Me

We were friends since we were kids, but it’s been five years since you dumped me, and it was all my fault. I wish you could read this letter with the openness and compassion that I’m pretty sure I don’t deserve. Here’s what I want you to know:

1. I deserved it. You were absolutely, 100% right to cut me out of your life. I flaked on our plans all the time and only made it out to meet you when I felt like it, when it was super convenient for me, or when I needed something.
2. I’m still sorry. Even though it’s been years, I think about how badly I must have made you feel to not want me in your life anymore. I can’t imagine hurting someone so much that they wouldn’t want me around anymore, but I did exactly that. The responsibility for the breakup of our friendship lies squarely on my shoulders. Even though I’ve said it before, I’m still incredibly sorry. There’s no absolution for that kind of damage.
3. You taught me what a true friend is. It’s everything I wasn’t. A true friend turns up on time, is there when you need them, celebrates your highs and shows you ways out of your lows. You were always that for me, and I didn’t know what I had until I lost it.
4. I don’t have many regrets, but losing your friendship is one of them. What more can I say?
5. I could have fought for the rest of the friendship group, but you were the only one that mattered to me. I didn’t bother trying to stay in touch with the rest. I didn’t fight for them because your friendship was the only thing that tied me to them.
6. Part of me knew I was sabotaging our friendship, but I did it anyway. I don’t know why, but it was a difficult time, and when you have a destructive personality, you like to bring the walls down. I knew that there was a limit to how much I could push your patience, but I kept pushing anyway.
7. You taught me to be selective about who I spend my time with. If they’re not excited to see me and if they’re not internally motivated to follow up with me, then I don’t waste my time on them. I only nurture friendships that are reciprocal. I don’t lose time on people who seem like they will treat me the way that I treated you.
8. You showed me what self-love is. Even though I grovelled, you didn’t take me back as a friend. While I’ve changed a lot since I was dumped by you, you had no proof that I would change my behavior, and the damage was done. I was toxic, you took me out of your life, and things improved for you. You respected yourself, and I learned how to respect myself once I came to understand your choices.
9. Thanks to you, I’m a better friend to the people that let me into their lives now. I turn up, I give a damn, and I’m always there. I know the dire consequences of letting people down, and I know how much better a relationship can be with both parties fully engaged and supporting each other. All my current friends have you to thank for that lesson.
10. It’s been almost half a decade, but I’d still jump at the chance to have you in my life again.