10 Things To Consider Before Dating Someone Younger

Many successful relationships have been formed between women who were five or even 10 years older than their partners, but not all women find dating someone younger to be all that easy. If you’re currently crushing on a younger person, consider all the potential ups and downs of such an age gap before you decide to pursue them.

  1. You’ll probably be more mature. You’ve probably heard that women tend to mature quicker than guys do, and this is often true even in adulthood. Lots of women go for older men specifically because they feel that the maturity gap is less dramatic. However, if you’re looking to date a younger guy, the reverse can easily be true. If you fall for a younger guy because he’s “fun” and has more energy than men your own age, just be aware that those positive qualities can accompany signs of immaturity that he hasn’t grown out of yet. If it’s dating a younger woman you’re interested in, the same can still be true. It all depends on the individual.
  2. You may be in two different places in life. It can be hard to relate to someone who’s just graduated college when you’re a few years into your actual grown-up career. If you date someone younger than you by more than a few years, remember that you’ll also be dealing with their comparative lack of life experience. Sometimes this can be refreshing and take you back to the days when you were so young and had so many choices ahead of you. However, it can also make it harder for you two to relate to each other.
  3. They might be looking for a second mom. No adult man ever says that he wants his girlfriend to replace his mom, but a lot of them sure act like it. It’s not some weird Freudian fetish — it just goes back to the maturity disparity. Younger men often seek out older women because they like being taken care of and they might feel that women their own age can’t satisfy that need for them. If you like constantly cleaning up after your boyfriend and doing his laundry, great. If not, make sure you get to know his self-care and cleaning habits as a single man before you jump into something serious with him.
  4. Even if they’re mature, their friends may not be. If combining your social circles is important to you, be aware that your younger partner’s friends may truly act their age (or younger than their age). There are plenty of younger people who act like grown adults and are drawn to older women because they feel a deeper connection with them than they do with women their own age. But if you decide to date your junior, just be aware that their friends won’t necessarily be “old souls” as well.
  5. You may have an unfair stigma attached to your relationship. No one thinks twice when a man is in a relationship with a woman five, seven, or even 10 years younger than him. However, women who date younger men aren’t always received with such a carefree attitude by society. Even if you’re still pretty young yourself, you might still be labeled as a “cougar.” Your friends and family might assume that you’re immature because you’re dating someone younger. This may not be remotely important to you if you don’t care what others think. But if approval from others is necessary for you to be happy in a relationship, this is definitely something to think about.
  6. They may not be ready for big life and relationship milestones. If you’re ready to settle down, get married, and have kids, someone in their early twenties might not be your best match. Many women who feel that their biological clock is ticking run into relationship problems when their partners want to spend a long time together before proposing or becoming parents. If you’re with someone a few years younger than you, they may be in even less of a rush to hit those milestones. Of course, this “problem” might not be a problem at all if you’re also in no hurry to settle down and start a family.
  7. Their idea of a social life may be very different from yours. Yes, there are women in their 30s who still party like they’re in college, just like there are people in college who prefer a quiet night in with a drink or two and a few good friends. Most of the time, though, younger people have more ambitious social lives that quiet down as they get older. That’s not to say you’re a boring hermit, just that you should make sure your idea of “going out” matches theirs before getting too serious.
  8. You may have a harder time taking them seriously. Sometimes the problem may lie not in the person you’re dating but in your perception of them. Even if you don’t consciously think about your age difference all the time, you might end up having a “mom” moment of your own during arguments or discussions. If you start thinking (or saying) things like, “You’ll understand in a few years” or feeling like their age is getting in the way of your ability to have a balanced conversation with them, the power dynamic in your relationship may be more skewed than you think.
  9. They might have less relationship experience. In some ways, this can be a seriously positive trait. Younger people often come with way less baggage than older ones who may have already had multiple serious relationships (or even a marriage) go down in flames. This can also mean, however, that the person you’re seeing has less knowledge of how a healthy relationship should work. They may struggle with things like conflict resolution, commitment, or jealousy simply because they don’t know what’s considered “normal” in an adult relationship.
  10. They might still be getting on their feet. When you’re young, it’s acceptable to have low standards when you go to a date’s house. When you have a car, live on your own, and pay all your own bills, however, it can feel like a serious downgrade to date someone who doesn’t have that level of independence yet. Dating a younger guy or woman may very well mean having to be quiet during sex (on a bed that may or may not have a bedframe) so you don’t wake their roommates up. Or, you might have to resign yourself to the fact that their parents still pay their phone bill every month. Not ideal!
Diana is a writer and waitress living in Tennessee with her "fur family" (two cats and a ferret). When she's not working, you can find her hiking, cooking, or taking really long naps.
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