I don’t know what came over me but I chose some of the worst conversation topics on a first date: the dreaded “marriage and kids” talk. I expected him to bounce but he didn’t. Here’s what happened.
- I threw out the memo. I blame the guy for this. He was so chilled and sweet, so interested in learning everything about me, that I relaxed a little too much on our date. The wine didn’t help. Before I knew what I was doing, I forgot all about the first date conversation don’ts. You know what they’re about, right?
- There’s an entire list of things we shouldn’t talk about. From religion, politics, and what our exes were like to whether or not we want to get married and have kids someday, there’s a bunch of stuff we’re advised not to talk about. It makes sense, really. Why bring the conversation down on a first date with such heavy talk, especially if you’ve just met the guy?
- He wasn’t like other guys. I know it sounds like a cliché, but this guy was so different from the other guys I’d met. This was our first date—we’d only seen each other in a social setting about two or three times previously—but it was like we’d known each other for ages. Another cliché, sorry, but it’s how I felt.
- I was actually able to focus on enjoying myself. I actually had a no-go list in my handbag. I brought it with me to every first date and read through it before walking into the club or restaurant where I was meeting the guy so that I wouldn’t forget about what not to say. I wanted to make a good first impression, but with this guy, it was like I didn’t need to. He made me forget about all the “dos” and “don’ts” and we just had fun.
- I started telling him deep stuff. For example, I told him that I wanted to get married someday because I still believed in marriage. I even told him in great detail that I wanted to have kids (maybe). He asked me if I already had baby names planned and I told him I did. I felt great while talking to him, but then…
- I had a meltdown in the ladies’ room. I excused myself to go powder my nose and I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, “WTF am I doing?!” Now that I had some physical distance away from the guy, I realized I had gone to all the bad conversation places on the first date. He was probably sitting out there cringing or texting his buddy about what a clingy and desperate date I was.
- I went back to the table with a different approach. Out with all the banned topics and in with all the light ones. I asked him what his favorite vacation spot was, what his work was like, or something else that wasn’t too heavy.
- I thought I might’ve saved the date. We carried on talking and laughing and he ignored his phone when it beeped, which I took as a good sign he was still enjoying the date. Still, I couldn’t seem to stop worrying that my talk of husbands and babies had put him off.
- I went home deflated. My worries were seriously killing my date endorphins from having a great date with an awesome guy. I just couldn’t help but feel like I’d ruined things. He didn’t even kiss me or hug me at the end of the date, so I knew that we just weren’t going to make it. It was all my fault for talking ad nauseam about my relationship goals.
- I was in for a wakeup call. The guy texted me about an hour after our date saying that he had a fantastic time and he wanted to see me again ASAP. He also said that he enjoyed our conversation and wanted to share more about our future goals. Wait, was I being punked or something?
- Turns out, the rules are BS. I’m not going to completely ban the first-date topics list I keep in my handbag. Hey, who wants to discuss politics on a first (or even a tenth) date, right? However, I am going to go with the flow more when it comes to conversations on a first date. There aren’t supposed to be such fast and hard rules about what should or shouldn’t go down on a first date. Things have to happen (or not happen) in a natural way.
- It helped that we were on the same page. Maybe my questions and chatter might’ve been a bit OTT for a guy who didn’t share my relationship goals but this guy did and that’s what made it so easy to talk to him. It just goes to show: when you’re on the same wavelength as someone and they’re right for you, nothing can put them off.
