You might have beer goggles on your first date that make him look better than he does, but there’s also such a thing as emotional beer goggles. These crop up once your feelings for him set in and can make you stay in a bad relationship that isn’t good for you, no alcohol required. Enough is enough! Stop justifying his BS with these excuses and break up with him already:
- He wants to change. Sorry to say, but if he hasn’t been making an effort to be a better man and BF before you even came along, then why should your presence in his life make a difference? Yes, you’re an amazing person and GF, but he needs to want to fix his own crap. If he promises he’ll change for you, alarm bells should ring because you can count on him going back to his bad behavior. Think of that before you start giving him your everything in the hopes that he’ll change because you’ll only wind up disappointed as hell.
- He’s just really, really busy. When you don’t hear from the guy for a day or two, you might try to tell yourself that he’s really busy, but that’s never a good enough excuse. It might happen once or twice that he’ll be too busy to call or meet with you, but if so, he’ll tell you about it upfront without leaving you hanging — and he’ll definitely make it up to you. If he’s always going AWOL on you or making you chase him, his busy life is just a lie to cover up what he’s really getting up to.
- He really doesn’t mean to be mean/rude/a jerk. The guy criticizes you and makes you feel like crap in front of your friends, and you still try to tell yourself that he doesn’t mean it. Maybe he even gives you a reason why he doesn’t mean it, like that he had a bad childhood, is stressed at work, or doesn’t know the right things to say. Sorry, that’s not a good enough excuse. If he loves you, he’ll treat you right — no exceptions!
- He’s just going through a rough patch. He might be going through some tough times, but that’s never a good enough reason why he’s being a bad boyfriend. Don’t feel guilty for expecting him to be a really sweet, kind and respectful man. Those things need to come standard in a boyfriend, regardless of what he’s going through in his life. Besides, if he can’t be in a relationship now, then why the hell is he? It might just be to drag you into his drama. Hell no. You deserve better.
- The guy he was in the beginning will come back. When you met him, he was charming, kind, and really sweet. Then something happened to change him and you don’t really know what. He’s now a bit selfish, doesn’t give you the time of day, and doesn’t really seem like he’s making much effort. What gives? You might be holding on, thinking that Mr. Amazing will return someday, but don’t waste your time. He’s now showing you his true colors, so believe them. Oh, and Mr. Amazing was just an act.
- He has trust issues because he’s been hurt before. Is this really a valid reason for why he goes AWOL at times or can’t seem to commit to a real relationship with you? Hell no! Everyone has some hesitation when it comes to trust, but it doesn’t mean he should become a total douchebag. That’s just a way of him getting your sympathy while he treats you like crap. Don’t put up with it.
- He doesn’t know what he wants. Maybe you met this guy when the timing was really screwed up. He was going through a really traumatic breakup or he wasn’t expecting to feel something for you because he was the king of flings. But now weeks have passed and he’s still stringing you along, claiming he doesn’t know what he wants. Screw that. He needs to wake up and listen to the sound of you walking closer to the door that you’re going to slam in his face. Not knowing what he wants is really a way of saying he doesn’t want to be with you. Cue sound of slamming door.
- But I know he loves me. Ah yes, this is sure to crop up at some stage when you’re dating a crappy guy. He tells you that he loves you so that you’ll stick around through the darkest days. The only problem is that if you looked beyond your hope for the relationship, you’d see that he’s not really showing it much. Instead of listening to his words, look at his actions because they don’t lie.
- She’s just his friend. Guys can (and should) have female friends, but if he’s using the “She’s just a friend” card when evidence shows more is going on, you shouldn’t stick around — for instance, if his female friend needed a place to sleep and ended up calling him (how convenient) or she was going through a tough time so he went over and cooked her dinner. Oh, didn’t he mention that they dated in college? Yeah, she’ll always mean something to him. Are you running for that door yet? Good.
- He just wants a bit more time to feel us out. You’ve been dating for weeks or months when he tells you that he wants to see where you guys are headed. Um, you thought it was Relationship Central, but no, he’s directing you over to Stringing Her Along, where he’ll keep having sex with you for a while and acting like your boyfriend before he decides to fade you out. What crap. If the guy says he needs time, don’t believe him. Needing “time and space” really mean time and space away from you.
- I came on too strong; I scared him off. This is probably the worst excuse to believe because it makes you blame yourself. You might think he’s slow-fading or ghosting you because you were too open about your feelings or showed him too much love. You know what? Screw that. A guy who truly likes you won’t get scared off, unless he’s still an immature player.
