If you’re dating but without the titles of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend,” you might call it a situationship. But let’s get real: a “situationship” is really a nice way of saying you’re a booty call until someone better comes along. Here are 12 reasons why that’s the harsh truth:
- You don’t have actual dates. When last did you and your situationship partner actually have a real, romantic date? You might be going to dinner and movies, but without actually being a couple, those don’t count! If it always feels like you’re just “hanging out” or getting into bed together, you’re basically a really long booty call.
- You get regular sex but it’s not enough. So you’re exclusive… but you’re not officially a couple. WTF? Why call this a situationship when it’s clearly just about a convenient way to get relationship perks, such as regular sex, without actually being a couple? And no, even if the sex is phenomenal and makes you feel connected, it doesn’t mean you’re on your way to a relationship. If that were the case, loads of one-night stands would end up being couples the morning after hot sex.
- It’s confusing AF. Admit it: you’re in what you call a situationship and it’s confusing you lots. The guy you’re with is a nice guy, treats you well and has real fun with you. He’s not some toxic loser. But forget about his niceness and just get real with yourself: no matter how much of a good man he is, if he’s not making your situationship an official relationship, he’s not the man for you. Why waste your time with him?
- You have no future plans. He doesn’t ask you out days or weeks in advance—it’s usually about an hour before he wants to see you. Why aren’t you and this guy making future plans? Um, because you have no future! Yes, in just the same way as if you were hookups.
- You’re waiting for it to become something. You might be staying in this situation because he’s a great guy, you have loads in common and you’d be great together. But if it was meant to be something more official and real, you wouldn’t have needed this situationship rest stop. You would’ve been in a relationship already. People who really like each other don’t waste time with such crap—they just get together and make their relationship official.
- You’re fooled by your feelings. You might argue that you’re definitely not just hookup buddies because you both have feelings for each other and have been vocal about this. But how is this an upgrade from a booty call? Feelings don’t mean that your situation is going to become a relationship unless you’re both keen for that to happen. And if you’re in a situationship, then clearly one of you isn’t.
- He could be using you. There’s also the chance that he’s just saying he has feelings for you because he wants to continue having sex with you. He might be an a-hole in good guy clothing, after all. There are plenty of jerks like this out there who will fool you into thinking you’re heading to a relationship when really you’re going nowhere really slowly.
- You leave your stuff at his house? So what? When you leave your favorite lipstick or jacket at his house and he’s cool with it, you might think it’s a sign that you’re so much more than a booty call. But get real: he’s just fine about it because he knows you’ll be back for a sleepover within a few days.
- You deserve more. Just because you have respect, mutual interests, and feelings, it doesn’t mean you should settle for the situationship. You deserve so much more than what he’s giving you: a real relationship that makes you feel like he’s totally committed to you and wants you in his life, not just in his bed.
- You think it’s a relationship stepping stone. You might be holding onto hope that you’re in this in-between stage because you’re on your way to a relationship. Sure, every couple has a different path and journey, but the situationship is basically a detour. You saw the big “relationship” sign ahead and you decided to make a u-turn away from that. Maybe he said he wanted to slow down, enjoy what you have going or that he’s just not ready yet. Whatever his BS excuse, he really means, “We’re not going to be serious but let’s just hang out and have sex anyway.” Ugh.
- You’re too comfy and content for your own good. One of the biggest problems with the situationship is that you can become too comfy in what you have going: the regular sex, the fun times, the belief that things are progressing. This is dangerous because it means you’re missing out on having something much more real that meets your standards. Why should you do that to yourself? Why be content when you can be completely blissed out in a real relationship?
- You’re a downgrade. By staying in this situationship, you’re basically downgrading yourself from potential girlfriend to hookup. Even if you have more than sex going on, you’re saying you’re not worth more. You’re not crazy for wanting the relationship labels, the weeks-in-advance dates, the meeting of the folks. If you settle for a situationship, don’t let the relationship perks fool you—they’re not even close to a real relationship and you’re just his go-to girl even though you’re hoping to be his girlfriend.
