We sometimes focus too much on superficial things we have in common with our partners, like having the same hobbies and interests. Those can be important, but they’re not the most important things. Here are 11 signs you and your partner aren’t as compatible as you think.
- You’re chasing different futures. It’s important to have your own dreams outside of the relationship—ones that aren’t about the goals you and your partner want to achieve together. Still, if your dreams seriously clash with your partner’s, that’s a sign you’re incompatible. Why would you want to be with someone who’s headed in such a different direction from you in life, whether physically or mentally? The relationship just won’t work.
- You have different values. Your values and moral codes must be in sync. Is your partner as honest and kind as you are? Does he value financial security over happiness or vice versa? If you value totally different things in life compared to your partner, it means you’re not prioritizing the same things, which can be a problem.
- You don’t make him laugh. People have said you’re really funny but your boyfriend never seems to get your humor. While this might not seem like a big deal, it’s troubling. Humor is so much more than just sharing a joke. It’s a way to bond and it’s a sign of a mental connection. If that’s lacking, you might feel that your partner just doesn’t get who you are, which sucks.
- You’re not learning from each other. Your differences don’t always have to be problems. If you’re both open to the idea of learning from each other, you can enrich your relationship and become more compatible. If you or your partner aren’t willing to do this, however, then it’s a huge obstacle you probably won’t be able to overcome. You’re basically shutting down the chance to have a meaningful relationship.
- You’re not your best self. One of the biggest ways to check if you and your partner are compatible or not is to notice if you feel like your best self around them. If you find that you’re often censoring yourself or you don’t feel comfortable to be who you are around them, then you’re sabotaging your happiness and you’re definitely not with the right person.
- Your relationship goals clash. You might see marriage as the culmination of a great relationship, whereas your partner doesn’t believe in marriage at all. Maybe you want to live together someday whereas he’s quite happy to keep your relationship status quo for as long as possible. If your relationship goals are on totally different pages, you’re going to have problems when it comes to making your expectations and needs work together.
- You treat time differently. It might seem silly to think that having very different schedules can get in the way of your relationship, but it really can be a problem when it comes to compatibility. Imagine this: you want to spend lots of your spare time with your partner but he prioritizes his friends and partying. Or, you want him to make time for you during the week instead of just on the weekend, but he’s always at work or traveling. If you can’t make the time for each other, you’re not compatible because this is linked to your lifestyle choices. Those should be in sync if you’re going to make your relationship work.
- You have different outlooks. Although you can’t always be optimistic, it’s important to align yourself with a partner who has a similar way of seeing the world. If your partner’s always negative, this will bring you down and can negatively impact the relationship.
- You’re too similar. While being similar to your partner is a good thing, too much similarity can actually make you lack compatibility! Professional matchmaker Kimia Mansoor explains that when you have too much in common with your partner you don’t have things that are separate from him, which means you don’t have new things to contribute to the relationship. You need some time apart to do your own thing so you can contribute new things to the relationship. It makes sense, otherwise, your relationship can hit a rut.
- You’re trying to change each other. This is not just a sign that you’re incompatible, but it’s a huge red flag that your relationship’s in a bad place. You should never feel that your partner’s trying to change you—he should accept you for who you are! The same goes for how you feel about him. If you’re treating each other like works in progress, something serious is wrong.
- You’re not attracted to him. Although physical attraction isn’t the most important thing in a relationship, you can’t deny that without an ounce of it, it can cause serious problems and rifts in a LTR. If you don’t find your partner attractive, this could limit your physical interactions, which can make you bond much less. If you’re not attracted to your partner, then why be with them? You should be fulfilled on various levels in your relationship because you deserve to be in one that’s satisfying.
