Love and infatuation are easy to confuse. These emotions can feel similar, so it’s not always easy to tell which one you’re feeling. But despite feeling similar at times, they are quite different. If you’re having trouble telling the two apart, keep reading. Are you infatuated or in love? Here are some definitive ways to tell that what you’re feeling isn’t all that deep just yet.
- You don’t even know them that well. Some people believe that love at first sight exists. But in most cases, if you don’t know someone that well, you just can’t be in love with them. Love is a complex emotion that involves lots of levels and layers that are developed over time. When you love someone, you trust them and commit to them and share a deep intimate connection with them. It’s hard to have all that with someone you just met. So if you feel like you love them but you don’t actually know them, it’s probably infatuation.
- You think they’re perfect. It’s normal to think that the person you feel strongly about is perfect. However, this is because you’re infatuated, not in love. Infatuation is an obsessive feeling that sees the person through rose-colored glasses. When you feel that way about them, you feel they can do no wrong. But love isn’t about thinking someone is perfect. It’s about knowing that they’re not perfect and embracing their flaws anyway.
- You ignore any red flags. Infatuation tends to lead to red-flag-ignoring. Love isn’t blind—infatuation is. No matter what terrible things that person throws your way, you make excuses for them because you feel so strongly attracted to them. This often happens when people support celebrities who do awful things. They’re so infatuated with that person that they ignore the major red flags that would be deal-breakers with anyone else.
- You are only attracted to them physically. Love is about more than a physical connection. Although the physical is part of it, love tends to encompass a connection on all levels. There’s also an emotional bond and a spiritual one. In other words, there’s more than just a physical attraction drawing you together. So if you’re only compatible on a physical level, it’s infatuation, not love.
- You haven’t had any deep conversations with them. Real love involves opening up to someone and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. For many people, it includes sharing things and trusting each other with conversations you wouldn’t have with anyone else. You know it’s infatuation rather than love when your conversations are shallow. If you’re only talking about what’s on Netflix, it’s probably not love.
- You want to be with them whether it’s good for them or not. They say that if you really love someone, you’ll let them go. And if they love you back, they’ll return to you. The truth is that love is about wanting the best for someone. Sometimes, that’s not you. If you can’t make that person happy for whatever reason, you’ll want them to find happiness elsewhere, no matter how heart-breaking it is. By comparison, infatuation is selfish. You’ll want them to be yours whether it’s good for them or not.
- You can’t stop thinking about them. Infatuation is all-consuming. It’s the type of feeling where you can’t get that person out of your head. You think about them all day and sometimes lose interest in things that don’t concern them. Love is a strong feeling too, but it’s a little more steady and stable. You can still function normally when you’re in love with someone. And you don’t have to make them the focus of every part of your life.
- You feel jealous when they spend time with anyone else. Love can sometimes lead to feelings that resemble jealousy. But trust goes hand in hand with love. That stops you from being consumed with jealous feelings when the person you love spends time with anyone else. On the flip side, infatuation doesn’t involve trust. It’s selfish and unreasonable and often leads to feelings of intense jealousy that can lead people to act out in problematic ways.
- Your feelings for them are exhausting. As you might have guessed, infatuation is exhausting. Although those passionate feelings can be fun, they’re also draining because they require so much time and attention. Love doesn’t leave you feeling depleted, but infatuation can. You might wonder how you can spend a lifetime feeling that way, and the answer is you can’t. Infatuation, unlike love, is fleeting.
If you’ve been confused about whether or not you’re infatuated or in love, hopefully this article gives you some clarity.
