The Sex Is Great, But Please Don’t Ruin Things By Falling For Me

When I first told one of my girlfriends you and I were friends with benefits, she looked at me as though she felt sorry for me, like I was missing out on something. I assured her this was exactly what I wanted, and it was! The transition from friends to FWB was seamless and fun, but once you put the pressure on, everything changed. To be honest, I liked you a lot more when we were just having casual sex.

1. We knew how to have a good time. We were always known for being the two troublemakers out of our group of friends, so it was only a matter of time before our drunken flirting lead to something more. We became more than friends but there was nothing weird about it — just a little extra fun.
2. I never felt the “new relationship” pressure. The best thing about our FWB relationship was that you already knew who I was. There was no weird getting to know you phase. I didn’t have to pretend to be the “cool girl” or hide any of my quirks. You knew what I was about and thought I was sexy anyway.
3. I felt like we were doing something naughty. The most fun aspect of our FWB situation was probably the secrecy. At first, we kept it on the down low from our friends because we didn’t want anyone judging us or feeling uncomfortable. Every time you’d sneak a kiss or grab my hand, it felt like we were doing something kind of wrong and it was exciting.
4. You filled a void in my life. I was going through a lot of transitions in my life at the time and an FWB was exactly what I needed. I wanted a support system and someone to hook up with, but I didn’t want the serious strings attached that typically come with an official relationship. Our relationship was low-key, sexy, and most of all, it was simple.
5. You decided to make things “official” without my knowledge. I thought you and I had a pretty solid understanding of what our relationship was and what it meant. A few weeks into it, I started hearing that you were telling people we were an item and, frankly, I was confused. I figured some sort of conversation would happen eventually, but not without me present!
6. I started missing our friendship. Somewhere in the transition from friend to girlfriend, our history got lost. Although we were creating new memories, I felt like we were two strangers playing a part. You and I were doing what boyfriends and girlfriends are expected to do, and we weren’t living authentically. I missed the days where we’d meet up after work for a beer and talk crap about our bosses. Suddenly, we were going to fancy restaurants and making boring plans. Our friendship morphed into something unrecognizable.
7. You thought this was how it was supposed to be. Being a lifestyle writer myself, I often see articles about men and women that are trying to officially lock down their FWB. It’s not always the case, but there’s certainly a trend where one person is in it for the fun and the other is saddled with serious feelings. You wanted more out of the relationship, as many people in FWB situations do, and you made the assumption that I did as well.
8. I should have been more upfront about my feelings. Our situation was comfortable, so I went with it. I wasn’t hooking up with anyone else at the time and I really did care about you, but something was always off. You were the kind of friend I could always open up to, but turning our fun FWB relationship into an official relationship caused me to shut down in weird ways. I should have told you how I was feeling in the beginning, but I let too much time pass.
9. Hanging out with our group of friends got weird. After our friends caught wind of our new relationship, things got a little awkward. I wasn’t sure how to split my time between you and our other friends when we were all together and they began accusing us of “third-wheeling” them.
10. I’m worried we can’t go back. Since we started out as friends, over time you were able to tell that I wasn’t sincerely happy in our relationship. After we officially broke things off, we took some time away from each other and it was hard. Although we’ve made amends and we can hang out with our buddies again, things don’t feel the same and I’m not sure they ever will.
11. Having an FWB isn’t for everyone. I caution anyone that is thinking about moving forward sexually with a friend to reflect on the friendship itself and really think it over. I lost a solid friendship because of crappy communication and mixed signals and it could’ve been avoided if I had just kept the relationship platonic.