I’m Secretly On Tinder Even Though I Have A Boyfriend

My boyfriend and I got together in college and we’ve been together for almost 10 years at this point. However, now that I’m in my late 20s, I’m starting to wonder what else is out there. Did I miss out? In an attempt to address my curiosities, I secretly joined Tinder using my single best friend’s pictures.

1. My boyfriend is a creature of habit. Because we’ve been together for so long, things are starting to get monotonous. He’s very level-headed and doesn’t push the boundaries when it comes to intimacy, sex, or challenging me mentally. I fell in love with him because of his charm and good looks, but I don’t know if that’s enough anymore.
2. I’m curious. When I listen to my girlfriends talk about their experiences with guys they’ve gone on dates with or slept with, I get curious and wonder if maybe I’m missing out. My boyfriend is a nice guy and I never have to worry about him being unfaithful, but he doesn’t like trying new things and I’m desperate to change things up.
3. It’s harmless fun. I talk to guys on Tinder but I have no intention of meeting them in real life, so it’s a win-win situation to me. I can still be there for my boyfriend, but I also get an escape by chatting with different guys. It helps me to see the potential of what’s out there without raising alarm bells by asking for a break from my boyfriend. If there’s nothing that sparks my interest, great, but if I find that I enjoy the experience more, I can break up with my boyfriend with no regrets.
4. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. My boyfriend is very black and white in his thinking, so he can’t understand why I would want to hang on to a relationship but still explore what’s out there. By being on Tinder without telling him, I get to try out something new without letting the situation get messy for him.
5. It’s not cheating if it’s not physical. My friends have said talking to other guys is like cheating but to me, the emotional connection is not the same as a physical connection. It’s harmless. I’ll only make a move if I’m definitely, totally interested. In the meantime, it’s nothing too serious.
6. He’s talking about marriage. It freaks me out because I’m not sure if I’d actually say yes if he popped the question. It scares me that we’ve been together this long because I have accepted how things are without questioning them. The prospect of committing to him for another decade is daunting, let alone the rest of our lives. I don’t want to feel as if I’m settling. The only way I can answer that question without hurting him is testing the dating scene through Tinder.
7. I’m still young and pretty. The older you get, the harder it is to find a romantic partner. Humans are visual and looks fade with time. There’s always someone hotter or younger than you (or both). I feel like since I’m still in my 20s, I still look good and can appeal to both younger and older guys. If I do decide to pursue a different relationship, now is a perfect time.
8. I’m scared I’ll be making a mistake. As curious as I am, I understand that finding a good guy who is loyal and treats you well can be hard. My friends have fun, but they also have stories of dating plenty of a-holes. They consider me lucky to have a good boyfriend. Part of me feels like I’m ungrateful even thinking of seeing what other guys are available out there. I guess the Tinder thing is my testing ground to see if I’m insane to let a good guy go.
9. There are no strings attached. With Tinder, I get to be someone else, test out my fantasies, and it’s exciting to talk to new guys each day. The tricky part is when the guys want to meet up with me because I don’t want to seem like I’m catfishing them (even though I kind of am). However, my friend and I don’t look too different, so I don’t think they’ll be too disappointed if we ended up meeting up.
10. I’m terrified of rejection. There’s nothing worse than breaking up with my boyfriend and then finding out that no other guy who is as good as him or better will commit to me. The thought of rejection is terrifying. Tinder is my safety net to make sure that I’m not going to be left out in the cold in case my boyfriend and I break up.