I’ve been married; I’ve dated several cool, interesting, talented, hot AF guys; some seriously, some not. I’ve fallen in love more times than I’m willing to admit — in fact, I’m in love right now. But while I’ve been fortunate enough to have many adventurous in relationships and love, the one thing that always remained, no matter how awesome these guys were and how much I wanted to be with them, was that I never needed any of them. The more I’ve realized that, the happier I’ve become. Here’s why:
- I get to have my priorities in order. Once you subtract the thinking that you need a man in order to be happy, your priorities shift. Since this is the case for me, my search for Mr. Right doesn’t exist. I get to pursue all the other amazing things I want to do in life instead of focusing on trying to procure myself a man.
- I’m complete on my own. I’m so sick of women defining themselves by their relationship status or by being the girlfriend of some guy. I don’t — and never will — need a man to complete me in any way.
- I don’t “belong” to anyone. If we’re being honest, relationships are about a level of ownership. I don’t believe in ownership. Every time my husband referred to me as “his,” it would enrage me. I’d turn away from him and demand he realize I wasn’t and was never going to be his. I wasn’t a piece of furniture in his life, one over which he had complete sovereignty. He never really understood what I meant.
- I can live my life for me and me alone. Relationships, even the great ones, still mean you’re tied to another human being, emotionally and otherwise. While that can be great when you’re in love, it shouldn’t be some sort of goal. In not needing a man, I don’t have those ties even when I’m in a relationship, so I’m living my life for only me.
- I never feel the pangs of guilt or obligation. No matter who I’ve dated, there was always a sense of obligation and guilt — for example, obligation to invite him to certain things and guilt if I didn’t invite him to those things. Although I’ve dated fairly independent men for the most part, I’ve yet to date a guy who’s equal in his independence to me, so there was sometimes a bit of struggle in that department.
- I can enjoy dating. Although I’m not a huge fan of dating, nor have I ever been one to date several people at once, knowing that I don’t need a man means I can enjoy myself when I do find myself on a date. I don’t have to stress out about trying to impress someone, nor do I feel the pressure of trying to get a relationship out of it, because you know what? I don’t give a damn. And that’s truly the key to happiness.
- I can walk away whenever I want. Just call me “Love ‘Em and Leave ‘Em Chatel.” Or, simply, a woman who realizes she needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. (Shout out to Gloria Steinem for that brilliant line!) When you don’t need something, you can leave it behind whenever you want, and you’re happy for that freedom.
- I can put my energy into other things. Relationships take work — even the good ones. Actually, that’s how the good ones stay good: by putting work into them. But in realizing I don’t need a man, my energy is put into other things. I’m writing a book, I volunteer, I will have traveled to 30 countries by the time 2017 comes to end, and that’s just to name a few things. I find those accomplishments greater than being someone’s girlfriend. They also make me happier than being someone’s girlfriend ever has.
- I can focus on myself. It might sound cliche AF, but we are all a work in progress, from the day we’re born until the day we die. I love working on myself. I love exploring new things and people and places, and seeing how all of it affects me. I’m not the same person I was a year ago and there’s a good chance I won’t be the same person six months from now. I’ll experience things that will help me grow and evolve, something that might be restricted by a man in life, and that really makes me happy.
- I’m defying the “natural progression” of things. For far too long, the thinking was that once you reached a certain age, you got married and had kids — all while living in a house in the suburbs with a two-car garage and using terms like “date night” when you get away from your kids once a month and hit up the Oliver Garden for a “fancy” dinner. That’s not how my life has turned out, nor is it how it will ever turn out. In realizing I don’t need a man, I’ve managed to escape mediocrity and avoided the path that so many people take. To try to put into words just how happy that makes me is really hard. So I’ll just say this: At the end of my life if someone asks me when I was the most happy, the list will be too long to share. So I’ll spare them and just respond with, “I was the most happy a lot.” Probably not grammatically correct, but it’s true.
