You may think you’ve met the man of your dreams and you may be right. However, before you decide to say “I do” and vow to stay together for life, ask yourself these questions first.
- Do you accept him literally for better or for worse? Relationships are hard work and anyone who says they aren’t is kidding themselves. In every marriage, there will be good times and bad, and nobody’s perfect. You need to know if you can fully accept your partner for the long haul, warts and all.
- Can you truly be yourself with him? Are you free to let your freak flag fly or do you have to compromise yourself to fit whoever he wants you to be? If you can’t be your true, authentic self in your relationship, you shouldn’t be getting married.
- Are your values and goals aligned? There is no way to build a healthy marriage without your personal values being aligned. When you get into an argument, does one of you want to talk it out while the other completely stonewalls? This can be a work in progress, but you both need to share the same fundamental values and vision for your future together.
- Do you want kids? This is a biggie and in most cases, might be a deal breaker for one or both of you. Just as important as whether you want kids at all is how many and when you want to start having them. For the relationship to last, you need to get clear on these expectations stat.
- How have you changed since meeting him? Even though I only knew my husband for two-and-a-half years before marrying him earlier this year, I’ve changed significantly since we met. My career has progressed, I’ve done a lot of personal soul searching, and I’ve become more comfortable in my own skin. In large part, these changes happened thanks to his support and encouragement. You should be able to trust your partner to accept you and support you through the ever-changing stages of your life.
- Are you attracted to him emotionally and physically? The person you marry should be someone you connect with on every level. You should be able to laugh, cry, celebrate, and simply be alongside them at every step of the journey. Basically, they should be your best friend, lover, and companion all wrapped up into one beautiful package.
- Why are you getting married? Are you doing this for the right reasons or are you getting married because of societal or family pressure? Do you feel excited about spending the rest of your life with this person or do you feel trapped? It goes without saying that if you’re not doing this because you genuinely want to, you shouldn’t be doing it at all.
- Do you like his family and friends? You’ll likely be spending a lot of time with these people for the rest of your life. If you don’t like them already, it could eventually cause a major rift between you and your S.O. I’ve been there: I didn’t get along with my ex’s family and it played a big role in our downfall. You don’t want to be the one who gets between your partner and their family.
- Can you have fun when you’re together and when you’re apart? The strongest couples I know are the ones who don’t lose their minds when they have to spend time apart. We all know that girl—or maybe we’ve been that girl!—who can’t enjoy a night out unless her boyfriend is glued to her side. That’s not healthy and it won’t lead to a successful marriage.
- Can you imagine your life without him beside you? While you should be able to comfortably spend time away from your partner, the most beautiful partnerships happen when you literally can’t imagine your life without them. Since meeting my husband, my life is now basically divided into “before him” and “after him.” I can’t imagine a future where he’s not (metaphorically) at my side.
- Do you trust him completely and can he trust you? A marriage without trust is like a car without an engine: broken and empty. If you don’t trust him to be loyal and supportive and honest, the marriage will never work. But it goes both ways—you also need to trust that you can give the same to him.
- What does my gut say? Thirty minutes into my first date with my husband, I had the craziest thought that one day I’d marry this man. I couldn’t explain it but somehow I knew he was the one (cheesy, I know). We’ve had our ups and downs, but I’ve never lost that gut feeling that I miraculously found the one person I was meant to marry. Listen to your gut — in most cases, it’ll tell you exactly what you should do.
