As a control freak, I very much so believe that you’re in control of your own life. You make the decisions that get you to where you are, you teach people how to treat you along the way, and you lay your own stepping stones to success. However, no woman is an island, and the people you surround yourself with have just as much to do with how far you get in life as your own actions do. If you’re not sure if your crew is pushing you towards your best self, ask yourself these questions.
- Do the people around you inspire you? Let’s be honest—you can dream big about getting out of your town where everybody’s always done the same old thing, and you might do it, but the road ahead will be rough if you’re still hanging out with people that can’t fathom why you’d ever want to move on from dead-end cashier jobs, a small town, or friendships that don’t serve you anymore. Surround yourself with strong, badass, women that are consistently checking milestones off of their list and it’ll be hard to rest on your laurels.
- When you set a new goal, is it met with doubt or discouragement? How many times have you aspired to lose weight after the New Year or read at least one book a week only to have your friend chortle and go, “Yeah, we’ll see how that goes.” If the people around you can’t picture you living your best life, then maybe it’s time to replace them with people that can.
- Are you spending time with people that have plans for a bigger, better future and are actively working towards it? If you’re still surrounding yourself with people that are just hovering where they always have been, neither sliding backward or moving forward, you might not think that there’s anything wrong with settling into place beside them.
- Are they constantly making excuses in their own lives? This one is a tough one to spot, but if you’re making big moves and trying to become your best self, you’ll notice that there might be a few people in your inner circle that have an excuse prepared for why they aren’t moving forward.
- Do they let you have the spotlight long enough to express your passions and goals? If the conversation turns sour when you bring up the new class you’re taking in an effort to lose weight or the new graduate program that you’re dying to get into, it’s time to split from these people. While it may not seem like a huge deal at the time, you’re subconsciously absorbing the message of “That kind of talk isn’t welcome here.” When you’re around the right people, you’ll be able to look up to the sky and shout, “I want to be a real estate agent!” If that’s your kind of thing.
- When you share something about yourself or your goals, are there people in your life that are prepared with a suggestion of what you should be doing? If your news that you finally got the internship in the field that you want is followed by a suggestion of what they thought they might be a good fit and a snarky comment about how you made a poor choice, then it’s time to show them the door.
- Are they do-ers? For most of my life, I’ve believed that some people just aren’t doers, and as someone who can’t sit still, I prefer to be around people that see that work needs to be done and they dive right in. Are your friends still kicking around the same excuses or waiting for answers to their problems to materialize out of nothing? Not only is this uninspiring, it creates an undeserved sense of victimhood. Life is unforgiving, and it’s hard to be your best self if you can’t stop ticking off the reasons why you’re not getting your fair shake at things- or if you’re listening to someone list off theirs.
- Can you count on them to firmly or gently remind you of what your goals are in the middle of a low moment? Truly, this will be a big test to see if you’re surrounding yourself with the right people in your quest to be your best self. If there’s a drag in your inner circle, a part of them is kind of hoping that you fail, especially if you’ve been successful in a way that they haven’t. (Note: However, don’t bust up a perfectly good circle by accusing everyone of being jealous of you, that makes you a jerk.) You want to surround yourself with people that you can count on to say, “But I thought that you wanted to finish your novel by spring?” or, “Do you need a workout buddy? That might make it easier?” You have to do the heavy lifting but it’s nice to have support.
- When you finally knock out another one of your goals, do your loved ones offer praise or are they apathetic? If your good news is met with a round of apathy all around, it’s likely that they’ve made your moment about themselves in some way, and they’re focused on what they have or have not accomplished. However, if you’ve got a gold medal in over thinking like myself, it can be something far less complicated if you receive an apathetic response like they simply don’t care. Frankly, you deserve to be around people that give a damn about your big wins.
- If they have a history of not being there for you, do they blame it on their own victimhood? “Oh, well, you know that I’m not very good at long conversations.” But you’ve patiently listened while they’ve listed off their woes and offered guidance to them countless times in the past? It’s time to clean up, and as you make the right moves towards becoming your best self, you’ll want to have made room in your inner circle for other movers, shakers, doers, and anchors of support.
