An Open Letter To The Girl Who Can’t Be Alone

Sometimes we’re so used to always having someone around that it becomes hard to imagine actually braving life on our own, even if it’s only temporary. But avoiding your loneliness can actually do more damage in the long run. To the girl who can’t be alone, here’s what I want you to know.

1. I get it — lonely sucks. Loneliness can be a palpable feeling. You question your self-worth in the moments that feel heaviest and would do anything to escape it, so you seek to make connections anywhere you can to fill the gaps that don’t make sense. You’ll swipe through Tinder looking for a boost, you’ll text old flames hoping that they miss you, and you’ll do anything you can just to avoid the weight that is loneliness. Stop, breathe, and embrace the discomfort.
2. You’re strong enough to brave it. Being alone isn’t a bad thing, no matter how highly relationships seem to be valued. It because we’ve been taught and raised to believe that companionship and having love is everything. Before we can do that, we need self-love first.
3. If you dare to be brave, you’ll learn about yourself. When you’re truly alone with no prospects waiting in the wings, you’ll learn more about yourself than ever before. Once you truly brave the loneliness, you’ll unmask parts of yourself you were afraid to reveal. You’ll dig deep into yourself and re-evaluate what you truly want in a person, instead of being complacent with whoever’s around at the time.
4. What you’re settling for isn’t actually what you want. You might think you know what you want, but the harsh truth is that without spending time completely on your own, you’ll keep settling for what’s “good enough”, and trust me, you deserve more than that.
5. You’re not defined by your relationship status. I know it’s cliché, but it’s the truth. You might worry that others will question your ability to keep someone around because you keep failing over and over again, but who really cares? It’s not a person that defines who you are — it’s YOU who defines you. Take some time to get rooted in yourself. Breaks are totally healthy.
6. Stop wasting your time. When you waste your time and energy on people who you know deep down aren’t right for you, you’re only taking away from your happy ending. When you take breaks from the madness that is dating, you have time to not only re-affirm who you are and what you’re looking for, but you also store up those energies for the person who’s really going to be worth it in the end.
7. Spending time alone is the healthiest decision you’ll make. Not many people get this chance, and even though it seems like a tragedy to be left without a plus one, it’ll actually serve you better in the long run. Spending time with yourself is a rewarding experience, because in the end, you’re the best relationship you’ll ever have. If you don’t take the time to nurture that love for yourself, you won’t fully appreciate anyone who comes across your path.
8. You can do it. It won’t be easy, and it’ll be a struggle at times. You’ll go through peaks and valleys of emotions before you become content with the loneliness, but eventually, it won’t feel like loneliness at all. It’ll feel like you can be without someone and still feel complete, and that’s the most powerful feeling of all. You’ll get through it, I promise.