I’ve given myself the nickname ‘one-shot Jess’ in dating because I stick to my guns of giving guys one chance to be with me. If they mess up, it’s over. Here’s why I’m no fan of second chances.
- Guys shouldn’t take me for granted. The guy who has a chance with me and blows it by not making me a priority in his life or seeing other people behind my back should know that I’m not the type of woman to stick around if love’s no longer being served.
- Why would I let myself get hurt? I believe that if something happens to you once, shame on the person who hurt you. If the same thing happens to you a second time, shame on you. If a guy has hurt me by going AWOL when things were awesome or being hot and cold with me, why would I take him back? There’s always the risk that history will repeat itself, so shame on me.
- People often repeat their actions. I know it’s harsh to judge someone based on their previous actions, but it also makes sense to consider what someone has already done because it can predict that they’ll do it again. An example of this is how criminals sometimes repeat the same mistakes that send them back into prison. We’re left wondering, “Why would they do that?” but they’re caught in a toxic cycle.
- Once that boundary’s crossed, it’s over. You know what? I’m all about boundaries. I stick to the boundaries that make me feel happy and safe when dating because they prevent me from losing myself to the relationship. Now, if someone I’m dating crosses one of those boundaries, such as by cheating on me even though they know that betrayal is my deal-breaker, taking them back means that they’ll always know that they can cross a line and I’ll take them back. I don’t want such toxic people in my life.
- I respect myself. Deciding whether or not to give someone a second chance is a waste of time if they’ve hurt me. They might not respect me but I respect myself. This means I won’t dare put someone in my life who’s just going to break my heart.
- I don’t want any doubts. The brilliant Maya Angelou once said, “Love is many things, but one thing that it isn’t and can never be is unsure.” Taking someone back after they’ve hurt me means that I’ll never fully get over what they’ve done. I’ll always doubt them and worry that they’ll repeat their actions or do something even worse. That’s no way to live.
- I’m not a doormat. One of the worst things for me in dating is to think that people see me as a doormat. For many years, I was always the “too nice” and super-understanding woman, and where did that get me? I’ll tell you where — it got me dumped and broken-hearted. It also made me get a reputation as being weak. I’m so done with that. If someone thinks they can disrespect me and then sail back into my life, they’ve got another thing coming!
- That first shot is crucial. You know when you go on a date and try to be your best self to show the person that you’re a great catch? There’s so much effort and care that’s involved, so I don’t understand it when some guys are super-chilled and lazy about things, not caring about the first impression they’re making, or not making. The point is, if they can’t give dating me their 100-percent best, then they don’t even deserve another chance.
- I’m nobody’s second choice. Sometimes people come back and try to reenter one’s life because they have nobody else they can date, or they’re lonely. I’m done with those people. I refuse to be anybody’s second or third choice. If I’m not your number one, GTFO.
- If i wouldn’t do it, why should i accept it? Another thing I tell myself when someone breaks my trust and then tries to win it back is that I don’t feel it’s fair for me to accept crappy behavior from someone that I would never do to them. I wouldn’t lie or cheat, so why should I take that? Not going to happen.
