I’m a generous person but I’ve been hurt too many times after giving money to people I’ve dated. So, although it sounds harsh AF, here’s why I refuse to hand over any of my hard-earned cash to my future partners.
- They always take advantage of my kindness. I’ve dated guys who’d ask me for small amounts of money and before I knew it, I’d be paying their rent. WTF? You give someone a hand and they take your whole arm! I don’t mind helping out here and there with little things, but I’m definitely not financing someone else’s entire life.
- They think they can push the boundaries. Giving money to guys early on in dating was a big mistake. It made them think they could push boundaries with me and rely on me too much. They knew I’d always be there to catch them when they inevitably found themselves in the midst of some drama, but I’m so done with that!
- They become controlling. With two guys I dated, giving them money made them think they could control me. When one of the guys found out that I had to pay for a course I wanted to do, he got angry, as though my money was supposed to solely benefit him. Um, what? Just because I’m dating someone doesn’t mean that everything I have is for them. Get a life.
- It changes me. It’s not just guys who become weird when the issue of money and lending it comes up—sometimes lending money has changed me too. It’s made me turn into a FIG—a Fix-It Girlfriend. I have the tendency to help people too much and not realize when I’m being taken advantage of, so I’m the last person who should be handing money out to partners.
- I want him to have his act together already. I want to date a guy who’s got his life in order and can look after himself. I don’t want to feel like I have to carry the financial burden in the relationship. Obviously hard times can happen to anyone, but the reason they need money from me has to be something really serious for me to shell out my cash.
- I don’t want to feel like his mother. There’s something really creepy about helping a romantic partner out financially. It makes me feel like I’m trying to be his mother or something. We’re not married and we’re certainly not family, so can’t he just sort himself out? How old is the guy?
- I don’t want to feel like the last stop. When guys have asked me for money in the past, I’ve always thought, “Why me?” I mean, they had loads of other people they could get money from: parents, siblings, friends. It also makes me worry that I’m the guy’s last stop on the money chain, which is troubling. Why wouldn’t anyone else help him? How many other people has he taken advantage of? Do I give off vibes of being too easy to con?
- I’ve been burned too many times. I know this sounds like I’m judging all guys, but I won’t give guys money because I’ve been screwed over so many times. One particular experience stands out in my memory. I was dating a guy who gave me a sob story about how he couldn’t pay rent because he was helping out his aging mom. The next thing I know, I receive a text from him that he mistakenly sent me. It was for his friend and it read, “Hey buddy, got money for tonight’s party!” He’d totally manipulated me into getting my money. What a jackass.
- I don’t want to neglect my own needs. I’ve learned over the years that it’s really important for me to focus on my needs and paying my way in life. I thrive on being independent, so I’m not going to risk any of that for a guy I’m dating. That means I’m not giving him money—at least until we’ve been in a long-term relationship for many years and I know I can trust him.
- I’ve never had a cent paid back. Whenever I’ve handed over money to guys in the past, they’ve never paid it back to me! Seriously, it’s shocking how people act like the world owes them a free lunch. I should bill them all!
- It’s about self-respect. It just doesn’t sit well with me to give a guy I’m dating money. It feels like he should respect me enough not to ask me for it in the first place. I’m the girl he’s dating, not his private bank! In addition, if a guy doesn’t respect me enough to have relationship boundaries in place, then by giving him money I’m just disrespecting myself too. I’m so not about that anymore. Nowadays, I put myself first to protect myself. Take it or leave it!
- It says a lot when I don’t give them what they want. Not giving guys money when they ask for it shows me a lot about their personalities. For example, if they act angry or annoyed, it shows me that they’re users and losers, which means I’ve dodged a bullet—and saved some hard-earned cash that they really didn’t deserve.
