People who always seem to be begging for your undivided attention can be difficult to deal with, to say the least. You might feel anxious because they always seem to want something from you, but you don’t have to let them get to you or cause you to trash your healthy boundaries. Here are 15 things that needy people do and how to deal with them without losing your mind.
1. They Crave Your Attention.
Needy people want you to give them all your time and energy regardless of what else you have going on in your life, and they might sulk if you’re busy with someone or something else. You have to call them out on their behavior so they don’t make you their entire world (or expect you to make them yours). That’s not realistic or healthy.
2. They Want Constant Reassurance.
Your needy friend or partner might always try to get you to assuage their self-doubt. They’ll ask you time and time again if you still want to be with them or if you think they’re attractive, or they might seek validation from you in the form of praise, complimenting you a lot so you return the favor.
3. They Can’t Make Decisions.
Because many needy people rely on validation from other people to feel good in their own skin, they might not feel confident to make their own decisions without backup. They’ll check in with you before deciding to take a mini break or choose a date outfit. Although it’s flattering to be needed, you don’t want to feel like they’re waiting for you to take responsibility for their choices.
4. They Rely On You For Everything.
Sometimes it feels like the needy person in your life is a child. They depend on you too much and it’s draining your resources. Maybe they always need money or help even when you’re struggling to meet your own needs. It’s important to be able to say “no” without feeling guilty so they can learn how to stand on their own feet. If you can’t do it, don’t. (By the way, if you’re sick of ending up in unhealthy relationships and want to reshape some of your romantic patterns, our sister site, Sweetn, is for you. They use research-backed tips, tricks, and advice to completely change your love life in just a few weeks. Check them out!)
5. They Fear Being Abandoned.
Neediness is closely tied to insecurity. The person might be terrified of abandonment due to past experiences, so they’ll want to lock you down in the relationship or track your movements out of fear that you’re going to betray them. Speak to them about how their controlling tendencies make you feel. You’re not to blame for their issues, and they need to deal with them if they don’t want to lose you completely.
6. They Have Unrealistic Expectations.
Clingy people sometimes have unrealistic (and unfair) expectations of other people. Dealing with them can cause you to feel like you’re never enough for them no matter how much you do. It’s worth communicating relationship expectations with them to see how you can meet each other halfway. If you can’t, you might need to part ways.
7. They Don’t Like Feedback.
When you try to tell the needy person in your life that their expectations are too high or they’re demanding too much of you, they might sulk or fight with you. They can’t handle criticism because they’re so insecure. Realizing this might help you to be a bit more empathetic about what they’re going through. However, it shouldn’t stop you from being honest and upfront about your feelings and needs.
8. They’re Chronically Negative.
Needy people are usually insecure and lack confidence, so it’s natural that they end up spiraling into negative thinking. Unfortunately, this could easily spill out into your life. It might help to encourage them to be more positive, but if this doesn’t change their behavior, you might have to restrict the time you spend with them.
9. They’re Always Blowing Up Your Phone.
You just saw your friend or partner, and 10 minutes later they’re already texting you even though they have nothing to say. It feels like they expect you to be on call for them, and it’s too much! Express your need for personal space. If they care about you, they’ll accept it and back off.
10. They Get Easily Overwhelmed.
Needy people tend to struggle to deal with their emotions and everyday experiences, which means they end up making mountains out of molehills more often than not. Often, they end up bringing this drama to your doorstep. Try to encourage them to handle their own challenges, or set some boundaries so you don’t always feel like you have to be their psychologist.
11. They Don’t Have Hobbies.
It’s a red flag if your new partner or friend doesn’t have their own hobbies and passions. Instead, they’re always letting others decide what they do in their spare time or just following the pack even if it’s not what they’re into. Encourage them to explore some stuff that interests them regardless of whether or not anyone they know likes it. As they develop their own passions and hobbies, they might feel more confident and less needy.
12. They Can’t Be Alone.
It’s common for needy people to struggle to deal with time on their own because they need to be around people all the time to feel confident and happy. Don’t get sucked into this. Express what you need, including regular alone time, so you can recharge and nurture yourself away from them.
13. They’re Easily Jealous.
If someone’s needy, chances are they get up close and personal with the green-eyed monster on a regular basis. If they’re not the center of attention, this can cause them to feel jealous and insecure. As a result, they might freak out when you hang out with other people or if you don’t have time for them. Explain to them how their jealousy makes you feel so they can become more self-aware.
14. They Want Help Even If They Don’t Need It.
A frustrating trait of needy people is that they might ask for help even if they can totally handle something on their own because they just want attention and for people to cater to them. Make sure you assert your own needs and explain firmly and directly why you can’t always be there for them while making it clear that this doesn’t mean they don’t mean a lot to you.
15. They Guilt You.
If you can’t help the needy person in your life, they might try to guilt-trip you. They may cry or tell you how not helping them will hurt them, but don’t let them get to you. You need to explain how their tactics make you feel and that they’re inappropriate. If they can’t respect that, you really don’t need them in your life.
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