How Many Mistakes Will I Make Before I Finally Understand My Own Worth?

Every time I think I’m finally in a good place, I do something to make myself question it. I take a chance, build up hope, and suddenly I find myself settling or making excuses for someone all over again. How many times will I do this to myself before I figure out how to hold out for what I deserve?

1. I overlook red flags. I try so hard not to do this and I’m getting better at it. Still, it seems like there’s always something I don’t notice that comes back to bite me in the ass. I get tired of feeling like I have to worry about every little thing in case it causes huge problems later.
2. I settle without even knowing it. I think I’ve finally found someone amazing and then he turns out to be… not so much. I’m always worried that I’m being too demanding, so I try to compromise and be patient. Before I know it, I’ve compromised myself into a situation that’s not good for me.
3. I always give extra chances. I somehow hope things will change even though I should know better. I try to stop at a second chance but I never want to—I want to believe that someone will care enough about me to make an effort. I should know that if they don’t already, that isn’t going to change.
4. I try to overrule my gut with my heart. My gut knows when something just isn’t happening. My heart is eternally hopeful and desperate to get the kind of love it is so capable of giving. I’m a very emotional person so I often let my heart win when it really shouldn’t.
5. I think maybe I’m being too picky. I start to second-guess myself when something is sort of great but not exactly what I hoped for. I focus on all the positives and try to ignore the negatives—after all, I know I can be a bit demanding. Still, I want what I want and I can’t help that.
6. I try to go for different guys but somehow make the same errors. I think I’m making better choices, and maybe I am… in slight increments. I would say that it’s gotten a little better over time, but I’m definitely not recognizing an emotionally mature man versus one who is not. It’s getting very frustrating.
7. I value chemistry over compatibility. I know that I’m guilty of this and I don’t know how to change it. If there’s no spark, I just can’t. It doesn’t matter how great a guy is or how much we have in common. Trust me, I’d love to figure out how I get over this. I want to start sparking with the right people!
8. I pretend I’m cool when a man makes no effort. I try and tell myself that it’s okay, we’re not even a couple yet, I’m an independent woman, etc. While I’m a very strong and independent person, I still deserve someone who shows a genuine desire to be a part of my life. I need to remember I should never let myself be the last priority. It’s not okay.
9. I underestimate my value as a partner. I am the queen of questioning myself. The last thing I ever want to be is arrogant or conceited, but in an effort to avoid it, I go too far in the opposite direction. I’m a damn good girlfriend and I know it, but then I worry that I’m a total idiot and maybe I don’t deserve amazing love after all.
10. I never get what I deserve, so I stop believing I really deserve it. This is why I feel better single than dating. No matter what I do, I never seem to choose a man who gives me what I need and want. I try to hold onto the belief that an amazing guy is out there who will appreciate and value me, but when it continually fails to happen, I doubt that it’s even possible.
11. I try to be tolerant, but my initial worries always prove correct. I feel like if I always dismiss guys based on the little things I notice at the beginning, I’ll never be with anyone more than two weeks. On the other hand, everything that seems like a problem initially always ends up screwing me later. I seriously don’t know what to do.
12. I sell myself short when it comes to the kind of man I think I can get. I think I’m getting more confident but I clearly have a long way to go. I never believe I can actually attract the man I want—I just don’t. I think they are out of my league and I go for the safe option instead. Deep down, I simply don’t think I’m good enough.
13. Apparently, I’m attracted to all the wrong things. I find the responsible nice guys with normal jobs and schedules to be boring. I’m into creative, interesting, non-traditional types, but I can’t seem to find one who is emotionally mature and evolved enough to be with me. It’s a very real problem, and I’m not sure I’ll ever find my unicorn who has all the right elements, so I’m always settling.
14. I seriously don’t think I know how to choose a healthy dynamic. I’m just fine until I meet someone I like and then all the work I’ve done seems to crumble. Suddenly, I just want to feel loved and appreciated and adored. I guess I don’t know how to get to a place where I don’t need my partner’s approval to feel good about myself.
15. Every time I think it’s working, I’m wrong, so I no longer trust myself. I just don’t know what to do. I’ll think something is going so well only to have the guy freak out and back out. I either don’t know what I really deserve or don’t understand what I truly need. Both are issues that I don’t know how to solve and I’m not sure when I’ll figure out how to love myself enough to find a man who gives me the beautiful partnership I want.