I Love My Boyfriend, But Sometimes I Wish I Were Still Single

If anyone ever tells you that they have the “best of both worlds” in anything, chances are, they’re lying to you or themselves. We’re beings rooted in internal conflict, and sadly, we’re never satisfied one way or the other — it’s just human nature, and it’s especially true in love and relationships. Here are 10 reasons why, even though I love my boyfriend, I sometimes wish I were still single:

1. Obligations, obligations, obligations. Look, nobody’s saying that I have to participate in every single engagement on my boyfriend’s schedule, but when I get those puppy dog eyes because I’d rather pamper myself in the tub with a glass of Malbec and don’t feel like going out for work beers after a long week, that sucks. Let’s be honest. It’s a lot easier to do the “me” thing when I don’t have to attend to someone else’s schedule all the damn time.
2. I can’t have the whole entire bed to myself anymore. Even if we don’t live together and he doesn’t sleep over all the time, his presence has made itself known in my sleeping quarters. Plus, even when he’s not there it just doesn’t feel “right” to lie right in the middle of the bed. Dents and smells… they can really compromise a good bed, you know what I’m saying?
3. I might not want to get married. I just might be one of the surprising few who loves my boyfriend but doesn’t want to commit to anything more than that. There’s nothing wrong with that, but unfortunately, there are two of us in the relationship and I just can’t make all the decisions on my own. For some people—ahem—that really kind of sucks, but you know what? There’s not necessarily anything wrong with that.
4. I just can’t make all the decisions on my own. Sigh. I mean, I can, of course, but a lot of people consider that to be pushy, type-A behavior that turns people off. Type A is pretty rad, coming from a type-A person, but for someone who actually wants to have a say in their daily lives, it could be off-putting to the point of contentiousness. Who needs that kind of drama? I know I don’t want it… but the scales are pretty hard to balance when I’m pushing one way and he’s pulling the other.
5. Sometimes there’s too much space, and other times, not enough. Fickle beings, aren’t we? Whether I’m feeling crowded and just want to run away from everyone and everything in my life or completely lonely and feeling like I’m the only one in a cold, dark world, once I get what I want, I often find that I tire of it much too soon. That kind of indecision could lead to many years of unhappiness if left unattended.
6. Girls’ night just isn’t the same anymore. Even though I’d never dream of cheating, I miss the thrill of a real, authentic girls’ night where basically anything could happen. And often does. Anything still can happen … it just has its limits these days since I’m tied up and all that. I’m not saying that it takes away all of the excitement, but it kinda takes away all the excitement.
7. I hem and haw over whether I want to make the situation permanent. If I’m on the fence about whether this is even really worth my time, and I find myself examining every single motive behind why I love my boyfriend, it can really put a strain both me and the relationship. And probably him, too. Even if it doesn’t seem so at times, he does have feelings too and maybe even a certain level of woman-like ESP. If he’s special, anyway.
8. Or I wait and wonder whether or not he wants to make the situation permanent. If I’m on the other side of the fence and love him and want a long-term commitment, but wondering if he’s going to make the move to transform the relationship into something more — whether it’s taking the step to move in together, get engaged or even talk marriage — it’s stressful AF wondering if I’m stacking up against whatever golden “standard” he’s got in mind. Stress.
9. Shopping for two gets expensive. If we’re not living together and combining our collective finances and/or I just like to splurge on my partner, it’s like having kids: you go out to dinner and you’re not just paying for one anymore. Cinema and movie theater snacks? For two, you’re looking at about 50 bucks. “Love don’t cost a thing,” my ass.
10. Not having to deal with your typical relationship BS is really tempting sometimes. No one wants to argue. No one wants to fight. No one wants to wonder whether or not the person they’re sleeping next to is okay with you waking up with zit cream residue on your chin in the morning. Whether I’m in a constant state of worrying about something or not, there’s going to be a certain level of performance that I … just wouldn’t have to deal with if I were on my own. Decisions, decisions.