Losing Weight Almost Ruined My Sex Life

I was always slightly overweight, but I never really cared much about improving my eating habits or dropping the pounds. Then I started thinking that maybe my life would be so much “better” if I was skinnier, especially my sex life. I didn’t expect what actually happened.

1. My lightbulb moment happened just after I graduated college. I was busy with school for so long and didn’t have the time to think about much else, but I was sick of being the chubby one in my friend group. Plus, I hated the comments I’d get from family members about my “birthing hips” and my clothing size.  I wanted to shut those people up but I also wanted to feel confident in my own skin again. Who wouldn’t?
2. I lost a ton of weight with excessive dieting and exercise. I did intense at-home workouts for an hour in the morning and at night. I also limited myself to no more than 1,200 calories a day regardless of how much I’d exercised. It worked, and within about four months, I lost almost 30 pounds. I was definitely skinny but I still didn’t feel like it was enough.
3. I was so proud of myself and loved all the compliments I was getting. I was finally getting compliments about how good I looked after a lifetime of basically the complete opposite. I was proud of myself for my accomplishment and never wanted things to go back to the way they were.
4. It got to the point that all I thought about was food. I became obsessed with dieting and exercising because I was so paranoid I’d put the weight back on. I got anxiety if I ate something “bad” or went over my calorie limit and I felt disgusted with myself for not being strong enough to hold out against hunger. I starved myself so much that all I thought about was how hungry I was, but I kept the torture going so that I’d stay thin.
5. My boyfriend loved me the way I was before but in my messed up head, I still wanted to impress him. He loved me before I lost the weight, sure, but I never wanted him to wish he was with someone else. Plus, I did it because I wanted to feel confident in the bedroom and hated feeling self-conscious. I thought that if I felt sexier, it’d make our sex life even better. I was so wrong.
6. It screwed up my hormones and as a result, my libido took a nosedive. My body wasn’t getting the nutrients it needed, which lowered my hormone levels. Because of this, my libido went way down so that I was actually less into sex than before. Well, that wasn’t what I’d hoped for.
7. I narrowly avoided an eating disorder and it wasn’t worth it. I was such a miserable person because I was so hungry all the time. I felt so bad about eating anything that eventually I started making myself throw up, but it was only once in a while so I told myself it was OK. I wasn’t happy, though, and it wasn’t making my sex life better either. I couldn’t see clearly how bad my problem was.
8. When I wanted to have kids, I had no choice but to stop what I was doing. I had to get healthier if I wanted to have any hope of getting pregnant, so I needed to stop dieting hardcore. I started to gain some weight naturally and then the fertility treatments I needed made me gain even more weight. I wanted kids more than I wanted to be skinny, so it finally broke the spell I was under. I was scared I’d want less sex and that my partner wouldn’t be as attracted to me because I was going to be “fat” again, but thankfully that didn’t happen.
9. Once I stopped starving myself, things went back to normal. Gaining some of the weight back was difficult, but it was what I needed. I also stopped forcing myself to throw up. Shockingly, I was more into sex again and my partner was happier because I was better. I finally realized he loved me and wanted me just as much, no matter what I weighed. Plus, all of my other relationships improved because I wasn’t so crazy anymore.
10. I’ve learned how to keep the weight off in a healthier way that doesn’t make me a monster. I still watch what I eat, but I don’t ever starve myself because it’s not worth the toll it takes on my body and on my relationships. I still work out a lot too, but these days I do it for fun and to feel strong rather than to feel thin. My sex life is better than ever because I feel great about myself. Now I understand that being skinny isn’t everything.
11. Being skinny isn’t worth sacrificing your health or sanity, even if it does improve your sex life. When most people lose weight, it probably makes things better in the bedroom, but I took it to such an extreme level that it did the opposite. Being thin by society’s standards isn’t worth being unhealthy and having no sex drive. Trust me!