When you’re in a relationship after being single long-term, your entire life changes. You’re not used to having to account for anyone else in your life, so it’s a big transition, even if you’ve met someone who’s absolutely terrific. It’s enough to give anyone cold feet, but what if it’s more than that? There are ways you can discern whether your relationship doubts are legitimate or you’re just needlessly freaking out.
- Do you trust him 100 percent? If your immediate response is that you absolutely do, you’re probably just having cold feet. No relationship can survive without trust, so it should be a red flag that you’re having legitimate relationship doubts if you don’t trust the one you’re with.
- Do you want the same things out of life? Even if your relationship is absolutely stellar right now, you still have to consider the future. Do you both agree on important issues like marriage and kids? Have you even discussed it? If not, it’s time to start having the important conversations so that neither of you waste your time. If you’ve already had those discussions and agreed on mutual goals, relax already. You’re just freaking out because serious relationships can be scary.
- Are you completely and totally attracted to him? You don’t want to commit long-term to someone you may dread going to bed with a year from now. That’s the danger of settling for someone who’s nice or treats you well but doesn’t turn you on; the initial novelty is intoxicating, but settling will catch up with you, and you don’t want to hurt that nice guy/girl (nor do you want to subject yourself to sex that repulses you in the future).
- Does he truly makes you happy? If you know deep down that you’re happy with him and he makes every day brighter, you can attribute your nerves to cold feet and try to relax. If your gut tells you that you’re not completely happy in the relationship, your doubts may be for real.
- What do your friends and family think? There’s no rule stating exclusively that your loved ones are right about who you should date, but they know you better than anyone. They knew you when you were single, and they can see the change in you since the relationship began (whether the change is good or bad). If they’ve already called you out on some blatant red flags, it may be time to reevaluate the situation.
- If you could change anything about him, would you? It sounds like a trick question, but it’s not. The truth is, you can answer “yes” to this question and not have any legitimate doubts about the relationship…as long as it’s just wishful thinking. If you come up with a laundry list of things you’d like to change about them right off the bat, however, you may be having real doubts.
- What does your heart tell you? Deep down, you’ll just know if your doubts are legitimate or if you’re worrying about nothing. Your intuition always tells you the truth; the hard part is listening to it. If you can find it within yourself to truly listen to your heart, you’ll know beyond a shadow of a doubt if the one you’re with is really the right one for you.
