After getting out of a long and tough relationship, I’m in that phase of being single where I want to focus completely on myself. I don’t want a relationship, I don’t want a fling, and I don’t even want casual sex. Ironically, my absolute lack of interest in men has made me the object of multiple guys’ affection, and it’s got me scratching my head.
- Literally nothing else about me has changed. At first, I thought it was crazy to think that guys were only interested in me because of my disinterest. But after thinking about it, I don’t know what else it could be. My appearance hasn’t changed since I started my “single and proud” phase, and as far as I’m aware, I interact with people exactly the same as I did before. My aloofness towards men seems to be the only changed variable here, and it’s baffling to me.
- I’m not playing hard to get. I’ve never had it in me to play coy; when I act like I’m not into someone, it’s because I’m not into them. If I could feign disinterest all the time knowing the kind of attention it got me, I’d be a lot more eager to do it when I was crushing on a guy. But right now, I really just want to do my own thing for a while, and I wish guys would stop interpreting it the wrong way.
- I wish I could get this kind of attention when I’m looking for a relationship. I’m not always this disinterested in dating and relationships. In fact, there have been plenty of times in my life when I was actively hoping to un-single myself, and while I usually managed to catch a few guys’ eyes and ultimately end up in a happy relationship, I’ve never caught this much attention before. I wish happily single me could teach unhappily single me her man-magnet ways.
- Maybe they just enjoy the chase. To be fair, most of the guys that have been pursuing me aren’t the type I’d expect to actually want a serious relationship with me. I know that most likely, they just want to sleep with me, and even if things went that far, they’d probably bail before the deed was even done. Some people are just addicted to the chase, and given how hard I’m pushing back on any romantic pursuits, I’m willing to bet that a lot of the guys who want me now wouldn’t feel the same way they saw me as anything more than a tough prize to be won.
- It’s making me question my approach. I never thought that I came across as “desperate” when I was active on the dating scene, but now I’m not so sure. The way guys have reacted to my “eff off” vibe recently has made me wonder if I normally come on too strong or simply need to act like I’m trying to repel men when I’m really trying to attract them. I feel like I need to completely revisit my dating technique, and it’s kinda messing with my head.
- I almost wonder if the universe is messing with me. I’m not superstitious or paranoid or anything, but I can’t help but feel weird about how the my-interest-to-guys’-interest ratio is constantly swinging out of my favor. It seems too consistent to be a coincidence, but since I can’t put my finger down on what’s causing it, I have to question if there really is a reason for it or some supernatural causes just have it out for me.
- Giving in right now would feel like settling. Part of me wants to take advantage of all the attention and just pick one of the guys that’s pursuing me, but since I don’t want a relationship right now (serious or casual), I feel like stepping into one would mean I was settling. Don’t get me wrong — a few of these guys are definitely attractive, and if I were in a different mindset, I’d totally be down. But right now, I’m not actively looking for male attention and I’d feel like I was doing myself a disservice by hooking up with or dating someone when I wasn’t completely into it.
- I feel snobby for saying the attention feels annoying. Complaining about being wanted seems like the ultimate humble-brag, so I feel bad for saying anything negative about it at all. But for me — at least right now — the grass is greener on the side where men leave me alone and let me enjoy my singlehood in peace. I’m sure there are women who aren’t getting attention who would love to be in my position, but right now, I’d much rather be in their place. Am I a bad person for thinking like that?
- I’m sure it’ll disappear once I put myself back on the market again. I’m not stupid — I know that the second I start itching for a relationship again, I’ll become practically invisible to guys again. It’s how my luck works. Maybe I should just suck it up and try to enjoy the attention while I can, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
- I didn’t know disinterest was such an attractive quality. No one likes it when a romantic interest is clingy or desperate, but I’ve never been attracted to guys who have zero interest in me at all. So it’s super confusing to me that I have so many guys who are hitting me up even though I’m constantly (and sometimes even a bit rudely) shutting down their advances. It doesn’t seem to deter them at all, and I don’t know what it is about the phrase “No, really, leave me alone,” that turns them on so much.
