I’m More Afraid Of Losing My Job Than I Am Of Losing My Boyfriend

My boyfriend is high up on my list of priorities but he’s definitely not at the top. Right now my career comes first and because of that, I’m way more afraid of losing my job than I am of losing him. Is that bad?

1. I love my boyfriend but he can’t pay off my student loans. Like millions of other millennials, I’m thousands of dollars in debt simply because I went to college. It sucks but it’s my burden and I’ve come to accept it. As a result, I have to work in order to pay back what I owe. Student loans are the type of debt that stays with you forever until you die—even filing for bankruptcy doesn’t even get rid of these bad boys. Losing my job at this point would cost me way more than losing my relationship.
2. He doesn’t come with a full benefits package. The best part about having a job is knowing that my dermatology prescriptions are covered by really great insurance and my out-of-pocket payments are pretty low. Plus, I get paid vacation and my employer matches my 401K? Uh, yeah, all of these incentives make me much more afraid to lose my job than my boyfriend. Now, maybe if he decided to come with a full benefits package I might feel a bit differently…
3. Boyfriends come and go, but dream jobs only come once in a lifetime. Student loans and benefits packages aside, I’m pretty lucky that I basically have my dream job and I’m not about to take that for granted. Even though I hope that my boyfriend is also once in a lifetime and stays with me forever, I kind of feel like if I were to give more attention to my relationship, it would be at the expense of the job I’ve always wanted and that I’d be devastated if I lost.
4. My career fulfills me in a way that my boyfriend can’t. Being an ambitious woman is a major part of my identity. I do work that stimulates my mind, requires an analytical lens, and involves some of the movers, shakers, and big players in our society. It makes me feel like I have a purpose. My boyfriend gives me so many things, but he doesn’t give me purpose and honestly, I don’t rely on him for that anyway.
5. I’m still learning a ton so I’m way more careful about not making mistakes. Even though I already have the job I’ve always wanted, I’m also in a huge learning and growth stage. Every single day is a new opportunity to learn about my industry, hone my craft, and practice my skills. But that also means that there are inevitable errors that I’m going to make so minimizing them and paying close attention to my work is super important. I have a lot riding on my job. If I lost that, it would feel like a major setback in my life.
6. Heartbreak isn’t as humiliating as being fired. I’ve never been fired from a job (knock on wood), but the thought of that ever happening deeply terrifies me. I’m so proud of my career and it’s so integral to who I am that I’d be humiliated and devastated if I lost my job. In addition, family, mentors, and others that have helped me get to where I am today are sort of invested in my career in a way that they’re not invested in my relationship. It would make me feel like I’ve let them all down if I lost it.
7. If I lost my job but still had my boyfriend, I’d probably resent him and lose him anyway. I like providing for myself and I’m a bit competitive, so if I lost my job but my boyfriend still had his, I’d definitely get jealous, start to resent him, and probably lose him in the process. I know that’s a super bleak outlook, but I know myself pretty well. Ultimately, having a job is essential to a relationship working out at all.
8. I’ll choose a financially secure future over love any day. Being broke and in love doesn’t seem very appealing to me. Plus, I’ve been in a relationship where an ex lost his job while we were together and it was pretty miserable because we could never do anything that required even the smallest amount of money since he was pinching pennies and holding onto every coin he had. Love doesn’t give you financial security unless you’re with someone who makes enough money for the both of you and is willing to give it to you. Even then, that money is never really your own. I’m all about being self-sufficient.
9. My boyfriend respects my hustle so I think he understands that he comes second to work for now. I’m lucky to have a boyfriend who is attracted to me because I’m ambitious rather than in spite of it. I’m happy that I found someone who recognizes that being a working woman with a serious career is non-negotiable for me. I’m not sure I have to worry about losing him as long as he understands his place.