A lot of women are flattered when they’re hit on by a guy at a bar or a coffee shop. However, even if it’s done politely, I find it obnoxious and kind of offensive. Here’s why I feel that way—and yes, I know I need to work on it.
- I don’t like being caught off guard. Part of the reason I have such a knee-jerk reaction to random flirtation is that I hate being unprepared and struggling for the appropriate response. I feel that way whenever I’m put in a situation I’m not expecting, not just when a guy approaches me—but that situation does make things a million times more stressful.
- I hate the pressure to react in a certain way. I’ve found that a lot of guys get offended when I immediately rebuff their advances. Can’t a girl just say “no thanks” without having to explain herself? I always get nervous when I reject someone because I’m often met with a less than pleasant response. The last thing I need is some random lashing out at me because I’m not looking for a date. On the upside, it always proves to me that I made the right decision!
- I don’t like people assuming that I’m interested. Even if a guy is very charming or attractive, I always think, “Really? You automatically assume that you have a chance with me?” It might sound conceited, but I promise that’s not just my ego talking. I desperately don’t want to be some dude’s conquest, and sometimes I go to extreme lengths to avoid falling into that trap.
- I know it’s wrong, but I don’t want to be perceived as “easy.” I’m a firm believer that women should be able to sleep with whoever they want whenever they want without judgment from anyone. I’m very vocal about my hatred for slut-shaming culture, but there’s still a part of me that wants to be seen as a challenge. I’m trying to work on fighting that internalized misogyny, but it creeps up in scenarios when I’m approached in public.
- I know guys are just approaching me based on my appearance. When I’m out at night and a guy comes up to me, I know that it isn’t because of my personality or my accomplishments. It’s clearly just because they like the way I look. I know there’s nothing wrong with appreciating someone’s appearance, but it still feels a little shallow.
- Sometimes I want to be alone without being bothered. Whenever I’m alone in a social situation, people assume that I want to be approached. Sometimes I want to go out by myself just because. I don’t always need to be conversing or dancing with other people to have a good time. In fact, I often prefer spending nights by myself. Just because someone is sitting alone at a bar doesn’t mean they’re looking for company.
- I always presume that their motives are sexual. A lot of guys have an endgame in mind when they come up to a random woman in the bar, club, coffee shop, wherever. Whenever someone offers to buy me a drink or take me to the dance floor, I think they’re just trying to take me home at the end of the night. Even if this isn’t always true, it’s the first thought that crosses my mind.
- I need to remind myself that sometimes people flirt for fun. I get worried that if I respond to a man’s advances in a positive way, he’ll assume that I want to sleep with him. I have to realize that it’s not always about getting laid, even for the guy. Sometimes people just like to flirt for the sake of it. Flirting is fun and it doesn’t always have to end in sex.
- I realize I might be limiting my possible relationships. There aren’t many ways to meet people when you’re out in the real world. As an adult, approaching someone in public is one of the only ways to get to know them. By being automatically offended when guys hit on me, I could be closing myself off from a great potential relationship. Maybe there are benefits to being a little more open-minded when it comes to flirtatious strangers.
