So you caught feelings for your friends with benefits. Now what? You could pretend like those feelings don’t exist and carry on. You could end the relationship and find someone else. Or, you could try to turn it into something real. While shifting your relationship from casual to serious isn’t easy, it can be done in the right circumstances. Here are 10 ways to take your relationship from casual to serious.
- Make Sure You Want This. Do you really want a committed relationship or are you just bored? Before trying to move your friends with benefits to something serious, spend some time self-reflecting on why you want the change. If you have real feelings for him, great, but if you’re just looking for some excitement, consider finding a new FWB.
- Be Patient. If you move too fast, you might ruin the relationship and your chance of something serious. The key is to be patient and move slow instead of going all-in right away. If you have feelings for him, there’s a chance he feels the same — but he might not realize it or feel confident enough to vocalize it. That doesn’t mean you should scream it from the rooftop. Instead, make subtle changes to your relationship and see how he responds.
- Change Your Hookup Schedule. Is the routine with your FWB pretty much the same? Switch it up and see how he responds. Instead of being available whenever he’s ready to hook up, get busy. Then see if he puts in the extra work to see you. If he plans ahead of schedule or adjusts his own routine to complement yours, his feelings are probably way more than platonic. If they weren’t, he’d just find someone else to share a bed with.
- Make Your Presence Known. Get a little too comfortable with your FWB. Leave your clothes at his apartment or your leftovers in his fridge. Slowly integrate yourself into his life. If he has feelings for you, he’ll start to do the same (probably without realizing it). Sooner or later, your FWB will naturally feel more like a boyfriend than some casual fling.
- Make Your Interest Known. Some people spend a lot of time with their FWB, others get in and get out. If your relationship isn’t much of a relationship, make small changes to make it feel more real. Order dinner before you hook up. Put on a movie after you’re done. If you really want to show your interest, send him a text or two during the day.
- Get Friendly. Some of the best relationships start off as friendships… or FWB-ships. Become his friend! Better yet, become his best friend. Ask him questions about his day, his friends, his job, etc. Show him you’re more than an FWB — you’re someone he can go to for advice and rely on. It’s important to create an emotional attachment before trying to move things forward.
- Ask Telling Questions. Most guys get into casual relationships because they only want something casual. Before you waste your time trying to move the relationship forward, you might want to figure out whether he even wants something serious. Casually ask him about his future and listen to whether or not he mentions a wife or even girlfriend. That’ll tell you what you need to know!
- Open Up. After testing the waters for a few weeks, go ahead, and have a conversation. Let him know how you feel. It’s important to be as clear as you possibly can. We know it might be easier to downplay the thoughts in your head, but it’ll only make things more complicated. Speak your truth and see how he responds.
- Don’t Rush To Label. Like I said before, it’s important to move slowly. Just because you’re ready for a label, doesn’t mean your partner is. Especially if you’ve never talked about it until now. If he responds with a very clear “no,” it’s probably time to move on. But if he’s unsure or needs time to think, give him the space to do so.
- Let Him Come To You. I’m not suggesting you ghost him, but you definitely need to take a step back and let him come to you. Don’t text him every day, asking whether or not he’s ready for something serious. He said he needed time, which means you’ll hear from him when he’s sure. That said, don’t wait forever. Your time is valuable, too. If it feels like he’s stringing you along, bow out.
