We’ve all shared a feeling or experience, only to have someone dismiss it or minimize its importance, and it really sucks. When someone invalidates your feelings, it can leave you feeling unheard, misunderstood, and even questioning yourself. However, rather than letting it get you down, there are ways to respond that can help you maintain your emotional well-being and assert your right to be heard.
1. “That’s not how I see it.”
This is simple, direct, and it puts the focus back on your perspective. It’s a polite way of saying, “Your opinion doesn’t change my reality.” It’s not about arguing or winning, it’s about asserting your right to feel what you feel. Don’t let anyone else gaslight you into thinking your emotions are wrong. Your feelings are valid, no matter what anyone else says.
2. “My feelings aren’t up for debate.”
End of discussion. It establishes a clear boundary — something that’s necessary to protect yourself, Psych Central points out — and lets the other person know their opinion on your emotions is irrelevant. Your feelings are your own, and they don’t need anyone else’s approval. Don’t let anyone try to steamroll you into their way of thinking.
3. “I’m allowed to feel this way.”
This is an important reminder that again, your emotions are valid, regardless of what anyone else thinks. It’s a statement of self-validation, too — a way of saying, “I own my feelings, and I’m not going to apologize for them.” It’s a powerful way to reclaim your emotional autonomy.
4. “Just because you don’t understand, doesn’t mean it’s not real.”
This highlights the gap between their understanding and your experience. Sure, you see their perspective, but you’re still going to assert your own. You can hear them loud and clear, but that still doesn’t change how you feel.
5. “I’m not looking for solutions, I just need you to listen.”
Sometimes, all you need is someone to hear you out without trying to fix things. This lets them know you’re not asking for advice, just validation. It’s okay to just want to be heard and understood.
6. “Can you try to see this from my point of view?”
This invites them to put themselves in your shoes, which (in theory, at least) encourages empathy and understanding. It’s not about forcing them to agree with you, but rather encouraging them to consider your perspective.
7. “I feel hurt when you say things like that.”
Expressing the impact of their words helps them understand how their dismissiveness affects you. It’s not about blaming or accusing, but rather letting them know how their words make you feel.
8. “I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t dismiss my feelings.”
A straightforward request for respectful communication. It’s a clear boundary that lets them know their behavior isn’t acceptable. It’s not about being demanding, but rather setting a standard for how you want to be treated.
9. “I’m going to take some space right now.”
Sometimes, the best response is to step away and give yourself time to cool down. It’s not about running away, but rather taking a break from the conversation when it’s not productive. It’s a way of protecting yourself and your emotions.
10. “I’m not going to engage in this conversation right now.”
If the discussion is going nowhere, it’s okay to disengage. It’s not about giving up, but rather recognizing when a conversation isn’t helpful. You can always revisit it later when emotions aren’t running high.
11. “I’m going to talk to someone who can be more supportive.”
Let them know you’re not going to put up with their invalidation and are going to get your support elsewhere. This is a great way to put your own well-being first, and only allowing people who truly support you to be in on your life.
12. “Let’s agree to disagree on this one.”
This is a mature way to end a conversation when you’re not going to see eye to eye. It’s not about giving in, but rather realizing that you have different perspectives and that’s okay.
13. “Next time, I’d like you to try to be more understanding.”
This gives them a clear directive for future interactions. It’s not about controlling their behavior, but rather expressing your expectations for how you want to be treated.
14. “I’m not okay with you making me feel bad for how I feel.”
Call out their behavior and let them know it’s not acceptable. It’s a way of standing up for yourself and your emotions. You don’t have to tolerate anyone making you feel ashamed or guilty for how you feel.
15. Silence.
As the Harvard Business Review reminds us, sometimes the most powerful response is to simply say nothing. It sends a clear message that you won’t tolerate their dismissal. It’s a way of showing them that their words have consequences and that you’re not going to engage in a conversation that’s hurting you.
16. “I’m ending this conversation.”
Period. You’re not obligated to continue a conversation that’s hurtful or unproductive. It’s a way of taking control and prioritizing your own well-being. Remember, you have the right to walk away from any situation that doesn’t serve you.
