You can’t help but feel like no one else will be right for you than the guy in your head and heart right now. The only problem is that he doesn’t want to be with you, so how do you find the courage to let him go? Take a deep breath and read these 10 strategies to move on and forget what’s-his-face.
- Erase him virtually. The first thing you need to do right away is delete him on your phone, socials, and anywhere else so that you’re not tempted to check up on or text him during an especially low point. Avoid re-reading his old texts. When he’s out of sight, it’ll be much easier to get him out of your mind.
- Feel the pain. Yes, it hurts like hell. Yes, you sometimes fear you won’t be able to face those feelings and actually make it through them, but you can and you should. The only way to deal with your feelings is to actually deal with them. After a while of doing so, you’ll find their power will start to dissipate. It’s sort of like crying. You know how sometimes when your pain is fresh it feels like you can cry for days and weeks on end? Then you find out that there’s a limit to how much you can cry, and it’s the same with pain.
- Start writing it down. It’s amazing what writing can do to help you sort through your jumbled feelings and deal with your pain more effectively, so start writing your thoughts and feelings down on a regular basis. When the feelings are on the page, it makes it much easier to feel that you can control them and make sense of them, because chances are that after a traumatic breakup you’re not even sure what to feel.
- Find ways to deal with stress. Forget focusing on getting over the person you’re in love with and rather find ways to decrease your stress in general. This will have an overall beneficial effect on you. So, if running, cycling, dancing, reading, or exploring nature helps you to feel calmer, then do it! You might have to force yourself off the sofa on some days, but do it. It’ll be worth it.
- Distract yourself from loopy thoughts. I call them loopy thoughts because they force you to go around in a loop and they’re exhausting. They might start with you thinking about how much you love your ex only to then start obsessing about what you could’ve done wrong in the relationship to get dumped so cruelly… and since you don’t have answers, they keep coming at you. The best way to deal? Distract yourself! Put on some music, watch your favorite Netflix show, or chat to a friend.
- Give yourself reasons for moving on. You might not get closure from your ex (the jerk), but that doesn’t mean you’re going to be stuck in this feeling forever. You can give yourself closure. How do you do that? One way is to think about all the reasons why it’s a good thing that your relationship came to an end. Trust me, they’re there. You just have to find them.
- Do new things that you never did with him. While it’s good to do whatever you want to do during this stressful time to find your mojo, it’s probably not a good idea to hang out at places you and your ex used to frequent or go on a hike that you once did with him. Now’s the time to start creating fresh memories that will help you to have a mental photo album which doesn’t include him.
- Get lifted. Make sure you stick with people who make you feel good as this is crucial. Now’s not the time to spend time with a man-hating bestie who’s just going to make you feel worse, and ditto for the friend who’s always depressed about her toxic relationship.
- Don’t blame yourself. Earlier I mentioned that you need to avoid blaming yourself, but this can be difficult to do. Your brain might be trying to latch onto some reason for why this horrible thing happened but don’t fall for its tricks. Remember all the reasons why you were an amazing GF and why you were too good for your loser ex.
- What if you’re to blame? Maybe you did cause the relationship to end. But you still shouldn’t be beating yourself about it. Be kind to yourself. Now’s the time to look after yourself. Just think: maybe you broke things because they weren’t right for you.
