To make a relationship successful, both parties need to be willing to put in the effort necessary to ensure your partner’s needs are met. What those needs entail will differ from person to person and can change over time, but it’s important to not only respect and provide for your partners but to ensure yours are taken care of too. Here’s how to get your needs met in your relationship.
- Be open and honest. You have an important role in a situation where you feel your needs aren’t being met. This is to be open and honest despite any hurt you may feel. Vocalize the issue as best as possible and identify where the problems lie. Don’t try to sugarcoat things, but at the same time, be mindful of your partner’s feelings.
- Be willing to clarify. Your partner may not be able to understand your issue right away. Don’t feel offended or get angry. Instead, try to express your problem from another angle or ask your partner to specify what they don’t understand. The aim here is to be on the same page, not to go to war. You may end up in the same place once or twice, but all that matters is that you’re both willing to improve the relationship.
- Provide a solution. Ask yourself what your ideal solution to the problem is. If you’re able to answer that question, share it with your partner. They cannot read your mind and may be struggling with fixing the problem. There’s nothing wrong with assisting your partner. After all, you guys are a team.
- Set realistic expectations. Life is not a movie. The expectations you have must be realistic and fit the situation you’re in. If your needs include being spoiled with expensive gifts when neither of you is at the place in your lives where you can afford them, you can’t reasonably expect your partner to fulfill this expectation.
- Listen to your partner. When it’s time for your partner to express themselves, make sure you listen to what they have to say very closely. You would want them to listen to you, so give them the same platform to voice their feelings. You may discover the reason your expectations have not been met and find recourse with your partner.
- Maintain a positive attitude. Having these types of conversations with your partner isn’t guaranteed to be smooth-sailing. There may be disagreement and tension, but that’s sometimes part of the journey. If your partner doesn’t “get it” right away, exercise patience before expressing frustration or anger.
- Self-reflect to understand the situation better. Look within yourself and at your life. Is this a case where your partner is falling short, or has there always been some inadequacy in your life? If the conclusion is the latter, you can’t expect your partner to fix something that’s been there before they came around. For example, if you’re used to a cheating partner who hides things, you can’t expect one who’s always been faithful to constantly prove themself to you.
- Be fair when you communicate. Be fair when having this discussion. This does not only relate to being willing to listen to what your partner has to say. It means that you should be willing to look outside of your issue for a moment and realize the efforts your partner has made. So, if you have trust issues and you expect a check-in when you’re not in the same space, don’t expect it to happen every 15 minutes.
- Begin therapy if you can’t work it out together. If you’re unable to work it out together, there’s no shame in seeking counseling. It may be difficult at first, especially if you haven’t tried therapy before, but it can be beneficial to your relationship. You’d be surprised to know how many couples seek therapy when they hit roadblocks in their relationship.
- Know when to quit. It makes no sense to stay in a relationship where your needs aren’t a priority. Of course, you should not quit right away and allow the relationship to run its course, but be wary of toxic situations. If you have repeatedly expressed your concerns and your partner isn’t willing to make the necessary changes, it may be time to let it go. There are other fish in the sea.
