Flaky matches are one of the most tragic parts of modern dating. With so many potential dates to choose from and no real commitment or loyalty to any of them, a lot of people flake on their conversations without any regard for the person who was left hanging. When the conversation seemed promising before the flake, this is super disappointing! Here are a few tips on how to cope when your match goes M.I.A.
- Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. The world of dating apps can be super brutal. There’s lots of competition, and not everyone sees you as a real human with feelings. Often, you’re just another profile until you meet up with someone in real life. So it’s best to go in aware of how harsh it is and adjust your expectations. Don’t be pessimistic about everyone you start talking to, but also don’t assume that a promising conversation is going to lead to your next big love. Try taking the pressure off by maintaining a few conversations at once. When you don’t put all your eggs in one basket, you’re not as devastated when that basket drops.
- Try not to become too emotionally invested until you meet in person. True, this is easier said than done. But try not to become too emotionally invested in anyone until you’ve met in person. While people can and do form real relationships online, it’s difficult to get to know someone properly without actually meeting them. Once you meet them, you might find there’s something about them that you really don’t like, even though they seemed great online. And since people tend to flake before actually meeting you in person, deciding not to emotionally invest until after this point gives you a little protection.
- Remember it’s not personal. Seriously, it’s not personal. It may seem personal, but remember that the person you’re talking to on a dating app doesn’t actually know you. Whatever they’re rejecting is their perception of you, and that has nothing to do with you. If your entire relationship boils down to a few weeks on a dating app, they don’t know you well enough for their rejection to be personal. Plus, many people flake for reasons that actually have nothing to do with rejecting you, like deciding dating apps aren’t for them or getting busy with work.
- Spend time with loved ones. Regardless of how kind you are to yourself, it can still hurt when your match flakes. So make sure you’re spending time with loved ones. It can feel like there’s no love in your life and it’s all a bit hopeless, which is why you have to remind yourself that people do care about you. You are lovable and some dating app flake can’t change that.
- Find hobbies that you enjoy. Similarly, try to find hobbies that bring light to your life. Dating apps, in general, can be depressing and that’s before someone ghosts you. It’s really important to look after your mental health as you go through the modern dating process. Inject some positivity into your life so it doesn’t seem so grim when sucky things happen, like flaking.
- Only reach out once. To reach out or not to reach out? This depends on what your conversation was like before they flaked. If you feel like you really had an interesting conversation and they seemed very keen until they suddenly didn’t, it might be worth reaching out. But only do it once. If they don’t reply after you’ve given them a single nudge, you’ll get the message.
- Resist the urge to double-text or demand an explanation. After that one nudge, resist the urge to reach out again. You probably feel like sending an essay detailing how sorry you are that you wasted your time. That’s valid. But sending these kinds of messages is like flogging a dead horse. If they’ve detached from your conversation, then there’s no point in wasting your energy on it. Don’t give them the satisfaction!
- After a certain amount of time, unmatch. It can feel uncomfortable to scroll through your matches and see a bunch of people who decided to stop talking to you without warning. So it’s okay to unmatch. This gives you some of your control back since you’re taking away the opportunity for them to reach out to you when they feel like it. It doesn’t hurt to give it some time, just in case your match really is having a rough few weeks. But after enough time has passed, don’t be afraid to pull the plug.
- Appreciate that you may have dodged a bullet. If it makes you feel better, getting flaked on a dating app probably means that you dodged a bullet. Think about it. Assuming that person really did just decide they weren’t interested in you, they didn’t have the decency to let you know. They didn’t care that you were left wondering what happened to them. Is that really someone you want in your life?
