You’ve probably watched a thousand movies where the main character falls in love at first sight and others where it takes several years for them to admit to loving someone who was there all along. Maybe you’re thinking that you fall too quickly or take too long to feel in love, so what’s the real deal? How long does it take to fall in love for real?
How long does it take to fall in love?
It would be great if there was a specific time frame, but it really does vary. Everyone feels love differently, so it’s pretty much impossible to predict how and when exactly those chemical reactions will start firing. Falling in love can take anything from a few seconds to many years. The time varies from person to person and is based on various factors like age, relationship history, level of intimacy involved, and emotional maturity.
That being said, men admit to falling in love faster than women. A survey conducted by researchers revealed that men take an average of 88 days before they confess feelings of love. Women, however, take 134 days to confess their emotions. This does not mean that the time can’t be shorter or longer. The important thing is to focus on your feelings and try to judge if they’re for real or if you’re just caught up in the heat of attraction. Love will take as long as it takes and you shouldn’t try to rush or force it.
It’s also worth noting that a 2017 poll from Elite Singles (via Harper’s Bazaar) found that 61% of women and 72% of men believe in love at first sight. You have to believe it exists to experience it, so those people will likely fall more quickly than those who are more cynical and/or skeptical about romance.
Can you fall in love too quickly?
- There’s no such thing as falling in love too quickly. You might come off as weird and creepy if you told someone you only just met that you were in love with them, but that doesn’t necessarily mean your feelings aren’t true. Research shows that it takes only one-fifth of a second for your brain to release the chemicals that produce the feeling of being in love. As overdramatic as love at first sight sounds, there’s actually scientific evidence to support it. Freaky, right?
- Positive thinkers tend to fall in love faster. Your outlook on life can affect how long it takes for you to fall in love. If you tend to look on the bright side, you’re more likely to notice and appreciate the qualities that make your partner worth loving. You’ll also be more open to new experiences and easily welcome deeper emotional connections. Positive thinkers will choose to see and accept developing feelings for someone else as a good thing while cynics might require a little more convincing.
- You can hasten the time it takes to fall in love. When you consciously put in effort, you can trick or train your mind to fall in love. A friend of mine took the 36 Questions test with a guy she met on Twitter and they’ve been together for five years now. The test involves asking each other deeply personal questions for about 45 minutes, then finishing things off by staring into each other’s eyes. Although it isn’t guaranteed to make two people fall in love, experiments like that have worked for many people.
How (and how quickly) you fall depends on a few different factors
- It depends on your past experiences with love. Although my dating story has been mostly pleasant, I’m still very reluctant about forming close relationships because of childhood issues. I just expect to always find pain in emotional connections so falling in love takes a while for me. For some people, heartbreak from previous affairs makes them cautious with people and feelings, so it takes longer for them to fall in love than the average person that’s not holding on to any baggage.
- How often you see your partner can determine the length of time. The more you get to know a person and spend time with them, the easier it becomes to like them. You start to form a bond with them that grows tighter over time. So if you see a crush or someone you’re dating often, you might fall in love with them a lot faster. If you’re the kind of person who needs space, having a partner that wants to be with all the time might have the opposite effect. It’ll probably take longer to fall in love with them
- Your level of emotional intelligence could determine how long it takes. People who are in touch with their feelings typically develop romantic attachments faster than those who aren’t. They’re also quick to realize that they’ve fallen in love. Some people might actually be in love but take a while to realize it because they don’t have a strong handle on their emotions.
