Here’s What I’d Tell My Younger Self About Life & Love If I Could

I look back at my younger self and just want to hug her. She was in so much pain after passing through careless hands and learning lessons that children should not have to learn. As a result, she had so many misconceptions about herself and the world. Here are some things I’d tell that younger self if I could.

  1. You’re not broken. I know you think that you are innately broken–that bits of you have been lost and will never be seen again. I’m here to tell you that this isn’t true; you’re only temporarily wounded. You’ll be put together again by many pairs of loving hands who will show you what it means to be whole. I know it’s hard to see now, but there’s a mighty warrior of a woman in your future–it’s you.
  2. You are so lovable. As a result of feeling broken, you also feel like an unlovable waste of space. You feel you don’t deserve kindness, care, and concern. These are all lies that your mind is manufacturing. The secret is that there’s a well of love deep inside of you that can never be touched by anyone else. You’ll discover this well soon and you’ll learn that you are loved and you are lovable. No one can take that from you.
  3. What happened to you was not your fault. You had an incredibly traumatic childhood. Some serious crap went down that a child should never have to bear the weight of. Unfortunately, you have to carry this burden, but it doesn’t mean that you attracted or deserved it. Instead, it was placed on you. In many ways, you’re a victim and I promise you’ll learn to live and thrive in spite of that fact.
  4. You’re resilient AF – it’s why you’re still alive. Dictionary.com’s definition of the word resiliency is “the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched.” You’ve been pushed, shoved, bent, and stretched, but you return back to form. You even return to a stronger and better form. Despite your difficulties, you’re going to live and you’ll turn out to be one hell of a woman.
  5. You’re destined for more than poverty, sickness, violence, and chaos. I know you come from a home filled with wild instability and chaos. It’s easy to believe that this is inevitably going to be your destiny, but I promise there’s so much more ahead for you. You’re destined for a life beyond your wildest dreams–one filled with love, stability, and health. There’s so much growth ahead, despite where you come from.
  6. This whole dating and love thing will get easier with time. With so much trauma in your love and sex life, it’s easy to feel like you’re doomed to a lifetime of toxicity and messiness. This isn’t the case though, my dear. You’ll continue to learn hard lessons, but sooner than you know it you’ll bump up against some real joy. Light will enter your love life and relationships will seem easier than ever. I know it’s impossible to believe, so you’ll just have to experience it for yourself.
  7. You don’t owe anyone sex. I know that somewhere along the way you learned that you had to have sex with people, that you owed it to certain men. This was an unfortunate and awfully toxic lesson you were taught by patriarchy. It’s not true. Your body is your own and you never owe it to anyone under any circumstances. I pray that you learn this sooner rather than later, my sweet girl.
  8. You’re allowed to say “no” anytime you want. Even beyond feeling like you owe men things in the bedroom, you unfortunately were taught to think that you weren’t allowed to say no. This was an awful lesson—and is totally not true. Not only are you allowed to say “no” anytime you want, you completely deserve it and will feel better for doing so. Over time, saying “no” will feel more natural and you’ll know that your body and your life is yours to dictate.
  9. It’s okay to change your mind. Similar to thinking that you owe people things, I know that you feel tremendous guilt when you want to change your mind. You feel you aren’t allowed to or that there will be too many hurt feelings. Ultimately you’ll learn that you need to take care of you first. You’ll start with changing your mind and not being sorry for it. You’ll learn that this is more than okay and you’ll keep doing it unapologetically.
  10. You’ll learn to trust yourself – just hang in there. As a result of all of the trauma that’s happened to you, your body and mind often feel like foreign places that aren’t to be trusted. You’ll grow to learn that this is just not true. You have an intuition worth trusting and you’ll eventually develop a beautiful relationship with it. You’ll learn that your body always knows what you need and you’ll start to listen to it above all else.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.
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