This is the article that demands to be written and read, even if no one wants to have to do either. When relationships come to an end, there will always be a certain sadness attached to that loss, no matter what terms you end things on. This is particularly true when the writing is on the wall but you still have to face the reality. It makes things less painful later on to see the signs ahead of time and make a plan for how to end things. Here’s how you know you need to end your relationship once and for all.
- Has he stopped texting back? Do you feel like you’re waiting around for him to catch up to your emotional availability? Is he inconsistent or complacent with your time? Do you only feel like a day is worth enjoying if he’s texted you first? A relationship is a collaboration, and if you find yourself monologuing up on stage all alone with no support, then it’s a clear sign. Don’t waste your own time – value it and take action to protect it.
- You just don’t feel a spark anymore. Sometimes it’s no one’s fault, but time passes, things change, and you find that you’re an entirely different person than the one at the start of the relationship. You might not even recognize the person across from you, and it might not even be their fault. No one owes another person their time. If you’ve changed, that’s probably good, and better still to recognize that. It shows maturity. You’re just on a different path.
- Date nights are dull. Or non-existent. Neither of you can be bothered to plan anything new. The idea of spending more time together is just fatiguing. You’re running out of things to say to each other, and the simple fact of the matter is that you have stopped caring. As always, apathy is the red letter on the door of a relationship. No person should be chasing the other, but if you’ve both stopped running, that’s the end of things, really. You’re treading water.
- You find yourself attracted to other people. Again, as long as you don’t act on these impulses and cheat on your partner, there’s nothing inherently wrong with attraction to other people. In most cases, it signals a change or a desire for change. Enrichment. Really, this is where courage comes in because if you end things at this point, you protect both parties’ feelings. However, if you leave it to fester, resentment will grow, and someone will cheat and breach that trust.
- You’re jealous of your single friends. This desire for freedom and the possibility of single life is a huge sign that you’re done with your current relationship. You might be feeling trapped with your partner, or like it’s not going anywhere. That’s fine – stop wasting your own time.
- You wonder ‘what if’ all the time. If you’re constantly speculating about what your life would be like without your partner, then I don’t know what bigger a sign you’re looking for that the relationship is over. Emotionally, you have nothing left to give the relationship. It’s not giving you anything in return, that’s why you’re daydreaming. Talk to a friend or family member and get the wheels of change in motion so you can take control of your life again. Accept the awkwardness now for a better future. You need to end your relationship, end of story.
- You dream about other people. This could include sexual or non-sexual fantasies, but either way, you’re clearly looking for other people. This expresses your unconscious desire to leave your mental, physical, and geographic space. It might not be just about your partner. Maybe you’re coming to terms with changes in your own identity or boundaries.
- His flaws become super frustrating. Normally, when you’re head over heels for someone, their flaws are invisible. Or, they’re just a part of their personality. However, when these feelings wane, there’s nothing more annoying than them chewing with their mouth open, or leaving clothes on the floor. You lose all patience for each other, and it becomes unpleasant and stressful to live together. You still need to find a kind way to break up with him, because it’s not necessarily his fault, but you have to leave.
- You’ve stopped communicating. The importance of communication is huge. If you aren’t being honest with your significant other because you don’t want to or don’t care about whether they know or not, you need to get out of that situation. It risks making both of you emotionally numb. Being able to talk about your feelings is one of the benefits of a healthy relationship. You deserve that, so go and find it.
These rules are by no means hard and fast, but if you recognize a lot of yourself and your relationship in this article, then maybe take your friend out for coffee to air your feelings. You will know in your gut what you need to do, and I pray that you have the courage to. Don’t wait for a relationship to rot when you know it’s not right for you. You need to end your relationship now before it goes any further.
