Good sex is hard to find, so when the new guy in your life is bringing some mind-blowing moves to bed, it can make you go a little crazy. You start mentally planning your future as a couple, convinced you’re meant to be together forever because you can’t imagine losing that unbelievable sexual chemistry. Hold up — what? He may be able to make you come, but that doesn’t mean he’s The One. So why are you so convinced he is?
- Oxytocin is a bitch. Before you’ve slept with a guy, the he’s going nuts because he’s chasing the intention of sex and you’re feeling completely level-headed (well, mostly). Once you’ve had sex, that logic flips. Now you’re the one who’s lost your sanity in chasing the idea of a relationship with him and he’s become more level-headed one. It sucks, but it’s science. When you orgasm, you release oxytocin, the “feel good” hormone that encourages bonding and makes you feel more attached to him. Ugh, lust is a sneaky little jerk.
- Orgasms make you feel more connected than you actually are. Aside from just the oxytocin component, women are just generally more sensual than men. When you feel comfortable enough to get intimate with a guy you’re dating and you have passionate and amazing sex, you tend to see it for more than it what it really is. Sex is a primal and animal act of connection, but it’s only one part of the equation of love. There has to be a connection outside of the bedroom, too, if it’s going to turn into anything real.
- Good sex can overshadow a lack of compatibility. Sometimes when the sex is so good, you tend to miss or just blatantly ignore details about him that would keep you from ever having a successful relationship. In the moment, you think, “Screw it — if the sex is this good, who cares about anything else?” Unfortunately, that’ll probably come back and bite you in the ass later.
- You don’t actually know that much about him. Generally if the sex is that good, you’re going to want a lot of it, which takes away from pretty valuable time you could be spending actually getting to know each other. If all you know about him is what he can do with his penis, it makes sense that you’ll think he’s pretty great. If you’re cool with just a fling, that’s fine, but if you’re actually looking for a boyfriend, you’re going to have to expand your horizons.
- Good chemistry can make us all a little crazy. Let’s face it — when the chemistry is so good with someone, it makes you lose your mind. It’s so rare that it happens, that when it does, you’ll do anything to hang onto it. You want something to come of the cosmic connection you’re feeling so badly and you’ll do anything and everything to continue to feel that high. The sex haze is addicting — it’s a drug.
- You start to think sex is more important than it is. It’s great to have an undeniable sexual compatibility with someone, but that’s not what makes a relationship work. There are some seriously dysfunctional couples out there who are completely unhealthy outside of the bedroom — and who really wants that long term? Sex is only part of the grand equation of lasting love, so be sure you’re looking at all the variables.
- You haven’t even considered your dealbreakers. One of the biggest pitfalls of becoming addicted to the sex with someone is the crucial details you blatantly overlook, sometimes on purpose, because you can’t stand to be without the sex. For example, he says he doesn’t want a relationship, and you do… but the sex is just too damn awesome for you to register what he says properly. Have fun, but be cautious and don’t allow the haze to become so foggy that you allow yourself to get hurt in the end.
