The self-proclaimed “nice guy” isn’t hard to spot. He’s probably at a bar accusing a chick of friend-zoning him or feverishly typing out a lengthy Facebook status about how he’s been left in the dust again because a girl decided to pick the “bad boy” over him. I should’ve known better, but after dating a few “bad boys” myself, I decided to give the self-proclaimed nice guy a chance. Big mistake.
- He had me fooled. Although he could be a little humble-braggy on social media, he seemed like a genuinely caring dude. I’m not particularly religious, but I really respected the fact that he took his faith seriously and went on mission trips instead of getting blackout drunk over his spring breaks. Overall, my first impression of him was that he was kind and funny. He claimed to be a nice guy and I believed him.
- He always played the victim. My self-proclaimed nice guy wasn’t a fan of admitting any time he was in the wrong. When he talked about his past relationships, he was always light on the details but heavy on the blame. He’d claim that every girl he ever dated took advantage of him in some way and every single one of them ended up leaving him for someone else.
- He wasn’t all that nice. After a little while, his true colors began to show. He was incredibly judgmental and unabashedly proud of it. His “faith” was nothing more than a mask he wore to fool people into thinking he was morally superior to everyone else.
- He was a total hypocrite. At first, I think he was a little put off by how much I liked drinking on the weekends since he rarely touched alcohol before he met me. I was a little over 21 at the time, so I still preferred going out dancing to sitting at home in my PJs. I could practically feel him looking down his nose at me every time we went out — that is, until he started drinking himself. Suddenly, he was a wine connoisseur. He had zero tolerance for alcohol but he still managed to chastise me for getting too tipsy.
- He was constantly “mansplaining” everything. I’ve noticed a lot of self-proclaimed nice guys have this fault in common. They think their opinion is some sort of gift to the world. I can confidently say that this was his most obnoxious quality. When feminist issues would come up in conversation, he would never agree to disagree. He was a strict Catholic so I tried to veer away from certain topics, but he just couldn’t stop himself from telling me why my personal beliefs were wrong.
- He didn’t stick to his convictions. I started dating this guy because I thought it was the “adult” thing to do at the time. I thought I had found someone that practiced what he preached and was unashamed of his moral compass. I recognize that everyone is human and no one is perfect, but I had never met someone that so loudly protested certain things and then participated in those same activities later in the day. Sex may have been a sin on Sunday mornings, but it didn’t seem to be a problem the other six days of the week.
- He was a total narcissist. Looking back now, I think he truly believed all the BS he was spewing. I think he actually believed his exes were out to get him and that any relationship that ever failed was out of his control. In his eyes, he really was a good guy and because of that, he could do no wrong.
- He left out some important details. I probably should’ve mentioned this bombshell in the beginning. My “nice guy” wasn’t single while we were together. In fact, his girlfriend was in Europe on a mission trip. He told me that their relationship was basically over, but he wanted to break up with her face-to-face when she got back home. Stupidly, I agreed that this was the right thing to do. Of course, he didn’t break up with her, but I was totally unaware.
- He made me deal with the guilt alone. When his girlfriend got back to the states, he told her everything. He totally disappeared from my life and I was left alone, feeling like a total skank. He did check in on me nine months later, just to make sure he hadn’t inadvertently fathered any children. Yes, that actually happened.
- He chased after me once he saw I was happy with someone else. It didn’t take very long for me to move on from my not-so-nice guy. He and his girlfriend remained an item and I let the whole ordeal fade from my memory. I had all but forgotten him until a text message popped up on my screen in the middle of the night. I don’t think it was a coincidence that I had just become Facebook official with an actual nice guy that afternoon. “Long time,” the text message said. “Let’s make it longer,” was all I said before blocking the self-proclaimed nice guy for good.
