My Fiancee Hates His Job And It’s Wrecking Our Relationship

My fiance has reached his breaking point at work. He’s underpaid, underappreciated, and his skills are perpetually exploited by higher ups that don’t bother to give him any credit. I empathize with his frustrations, as do most millennials. The problem is, his dead-end job is starting to have a seriously negative effect on our relationship.

1. He brings the negativity home with him. I think there’s a lot of value in venting frustrations to people that care. Holding feelings inside will only lead to an eventual blow-up, which is totally unacceptable in a professional work environment. I have no problem listening to my guy’s work troubles, but it seems to be the only topic of conversation during the week. I’ve started keeping my work accomplishes to myself because I’m worried it’s going to make him feel worse about his current situation.
2. He won’t accept my help. He has no problem unloading all of his problems on me after he clocks out for the evening, but he tends to take issue with my advice. Every time I suggest a plan of action, he shoots me down and just continues his tirade.
3. He won’t help himself. A big problem I’ve noticed with his situation at work is the power dynamic. My fiance is a sweet, passive guy and he works with some serious hot heads that will get ahead at any cost. He doesn’t want to cause unnecessary drama, but that also means he rarely stands up for himself or speaks out when he doesn’t get credit for doing extra work.
4. He has no energy left for me. By the time he gets home and he’s unloaded all of his frustrations, he’s like a deflated balloon. Suddenly, it feels like there’s no time left in the day for our relationship. He’ll want to distract himself with TV or video games and suddenly the night is over and we’re going to bed. Our sex life has suffered drastically due to his insecurities at work.
5. He can’t do anything drastic. My fiance is in a tough spot. He’s got a young son from a former relationship that he supports financially and we’re both saving up to buy our first home together. Although he has fantasies about telling his bosses what he really thinks of the way they run their business, he can’t afford to leave his job in a dramatic flourish or act impulsively.
6. His self-destructive behaviors are getting worse. When my fiance and I got engaged, we decided to cut down on our wine drinking and start exercising more. We were several months into “sweating for the wedding” when things started to get really bad at work. He’d come home and immediately pour a glass of whiskey. The exercise was quickly replaced with bad movies and even worse food.
7. He has a bleak outlook on his future. Any day work is particularly bad for my fiance or he doesn’t have any luck during the job hunt, he throws his hands in the air and asks, “What’s the point?” He’s clearly not looking forward to his future and some of the things he says are hurtful, especially considering the fact that we’re getting married in a few short months.
8. This is not the man I fell in love with. When I first met my fiance, he was so happy all the time that I thought he was faking it. Over time, I came to realize that he really was that positive and he saw so much good in other people and life in general. Of course, I would never expect him to be on and happy at all times, but the man I once knew began to disappear after he realized things at work would never change for the better. He’s a shell of his former self and it breaks my heart.
9. He was there for me when I went through this. There was a year in our relationship in which I lost three jobs. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right and the whole world was against me. I’d come home in tears and I wouldn’t leave my bed for days at a time. I get so angry at myself now looking back on those days that I was feeling sorry for myself while I should’ve been applying myself more at work or looking for quality jobs. Regardless of the way I acted, my fiance was there for me every step of the way until I finally got out of my funk and started working towards things I actually enjoyed.
10. I need to be the strong one now. He was there for me when I needed him the most, and I intend on sticking around until he moves on to a company that appreciates him. I know now that careers are important, but they should never be allowed to define every aspect of a person’s life. For now, I’m just going to have to find a way to help him work through it.