Saying “I love you” is a relationship milestone, and how and where it’s said for the first time is something you’ll likely always remember. Hearing those words during sex? That’s probably the guy’s orgasm talking. Hearing it on social media? That’s what an ex did to me and it was just as, if not more, disappointing. Here’s why:
- It felt impersonal AF. Words are important and I want to hear them, but seeing the words on a screen in front of me instead of hearing the guy saying them and seeing the look in his eyes when he does lacks so much intimacy. Worse, he put a smiley face and heart emoticon at the end of the sentence. I wish I was kidding.
- It wasn’t even a public announcement, but a private chat. Okay, if he had announced that he loved me on Facebook, it still wouldn’t have been as good as getting to hear those words in real life, but it would have at least shown me that he was proud to be with me and wanted the world to know how he felt. He told me in a private chat, which felt a lot less exciting.
- It felt like a lie. Our relationship was going through a rough patch where the guy was excessively charming and it was starting to make me worry it wasn’t genuine. So when he told me he loved me during this time, I couldn’t help but feel like I couldn’t believe it. Seeing as though he was so charming, wouldn’t he have wanted to say it in RL? Clearly his charm and words were all just fake put-ons. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, though. I thought he would tell me he loved me in real life if he really did, but guess what? He never did. He always kept the words behind a screen.
- It wasn’t enough effort. Since exchanging “I love you” is such a milestone, it should be done with some enthusiasm and effort, for crying out loud. Clicking onto social media and writing those three words out in a chat? That’s the lazy guy’s way and it sucked to have to be on the receiving end of it. I deserved a much better declaration.
- It felt like an easy way out of commitment. Those three words are not just romantic, but they always make me feel that by saying them the guy is rising to a new level of commitment in the relationship. By telling me he loved me on social media, it wasn’t really a good sign that he would be taking that commitment too seriously.
- His actions didn’t match the words. As they say: watch what someone does, not what they say. Although I tried to be happy about the Facebook declaration, the guy’s actions were sadly lagging behind them. He wasn’t really affectionate and didn’t show me his love. So what was the point of even saying them because clearly they were just words and he was just going through the motions.
- He thought he had to say those words. What I learned from dating that guy is that some guys will just say what they think their partners need to hear, perhaps so they can get away with stuff (so they think) or keep their partners hooked onto them. This guy was the perfect example of that. Once, during an argument in which I expressed that he didn’t really show me affection, he said, “But I told you I love you?” as if it was enough. As though he could hide behind those three words. He was so wrong because I wanted so much more that he couldn’t give and I was done wasting time on him.
