For too long, I ignored the red flags and I made excuses for my boyfriend’s actions because I thought he really loved me and just had a hard time showing it. I blamed his exes for messing with his feelings and leaving him emotionally stunted. I blamed myself for not making him feel like he could express himself in the relationship. Eventually, I realized I wasn’t the issue and neither were his exes — the issue was him and his inability to give a crap about anyone but himself.
- He Never Planned Dates Ahead Of Time. Instead of making plans in advance, he’d usually hit me up about an hour before he wanted to see me. Whenever I tried to plan something days beforehand, he’d always say, “I might be busy. Let me check and get back to you.” Clearly, he didn’t want to commit to hanging out with me — probably because he wanted to keep his options open for something (or someone) else.
- He’d Constantly Cancel Last Minute. On the off chance we had a date planned, he’d end up canceling. In his defense, he didn’t cancel EVERY time, but definitely more than someone should. And he always canceled last minute, like when I was already dressed and in my car on my way to meet him.
- He Never Went Out Of His Way. I was always the one going to his place to hang out or meeting him at the bar he was already at with his friends. To put it simply, I did all of the work for him! He never had to drive out of his way to see me or move his schedule around to accommodate mine. The relationship was easy for him — way too easy.
- He Still Had Tinder On His Phone. I don’t know if he was swiping right and left, but I do know he still had the popular dating app on his phone. I could see it! He’d sit right next to me, unlock his phone to check his email and BOOM! There it was, front and center. I asked him about it once and he said, with a chuckle, “Oh, yeah. I just haven’t gotten around to deleting it.” Hmmm. It takes five seconds to delete an app, does it not?
- He Never Took Me To Important Functions. Instead of taking me as his plus-one to his sister’s wedding, he went solo. No matter how insignificant the event was, he’d never invite me — even if it was some rinky-dink mixer for his job. On the upside, he never took anyone else in my place. Kidding. That’s no upside!
- His Friends Didn’t Know We Were Dating. Don’t get me wrong, his friends knew who I was, but they didn’t know we were in a relationship (if you can even call it that). It was because he was “a private person” (his words, not mine). He didn’t want his friends to know he was dating someone because they’d “give [him] crap for it.” To this day, I still think that’s BS — he didn’t want his friends to know because he wanted to live the single life.
- He Took Forever To Respond. It would take him FOREVER to respond to my texts, even if he was the one who initiated the conversation. It wasn’t because he was busy with work or school — if that was the case, he wouldn’t have been sharing memes on Facebook and posting videos of his co-workers on Snapchat — he just didn’t think responding to me was important.
- He Talked To Other Girls. And he didn’t hide it! It wasn’t like he was careful about where he put his phone. He had no problem with me seeing the name “Ashlee” pop up on his lock screen. Not to mention, there were so many girls that would flirt with him in my presence. He’d flirt back — except he didn’t call it flirting, he called it “being friendly.” K.
- He Made Excuses For His Actions. The reason he was afraid of commitment was because his exes were all super manipulative and left him feeling insecure. The reason he didn’t respond to my text was because he thought I was mad and he wanted to give me space. The reason he didn’t want to meet my parents was because he was afraid their opinion of him would mess up the amazing relationship we had already built. ALL BS EXCUSES.
- He Made Me Feel Needy. Whenever I tried to express my concerns, he’d call me “needy” or “overdramatic.” Instead of addressing my feelings and actually having a conversation about why I felt so unimportant to him, he dismissed them. He didn’t have time to deal with anyone’s emotions unless they were his own.
