Is The End Of “The Chase” The End Of The Relationship?

The chase — that magical period when you’re doing everything you can just to get the other person’s attention and show off what makes you such an amazing catch — is thrilling, which is why it makes you want to keep that spark alive. But once you’re actually coupled up and the dust settles, chasing tends to give way to comfortably standing in place. Does that mean the relationship is doomed? No, it could actually be just the opposite — here’s why:

  1. You get to make it official. The chase might be filled with adrenaline, but making your relationship official is a pretty neat feeling too. Besides, you finally get some security, which is a welcome glass of water after the sprint through the chase. Instead of working up a sweat wondering if he likes you and when he’ll ask you out, you can be a bit more chilled.
  2. You’re not walking on eggshells all the time. Things are pretty precarious during the chase. Any little thing can put you or the guy off, sending the hope of a relationship tumbling down a cliff. But once you’re officially together, there’s a bit more room for you to be real with each other without the fear he’ll run away after a fight or when he sees you without your makeup on.
  3. You can get comfortable, but not TOO comfortable. The games you played during the chase were hard work but now that you don’t need them anymore, you’re going to have to replace them with other things. You can’t just slack off because that’s what causes relationships to fizzle. If you keep the mindset that you have to work on making things exciting, then there’s no reason why the spark has to end. So stay your gorgeous, interesting and mysterious self!
  4. It only ends if there’s not much there to begin with. You might think your relationship is going to end after the chase, but often it just ends because there was nothing but the chase. If you break up once you remove the fireworks, you’ll find that you aren’t really that compatible with your partner or your intentions are out of whack: you’re looking for something real while he’s just in it for some hookups.
  5. Who wants suspense forever? Sure, it’s awesome to feel the thrill of the chase, but it can also make you sick. The chase is like going on vacation: it’s fun for a while but you eventually want to go back to the familiarity and comfort of home. Once you settle into a relationship, you can finally start really digging deep and getting to know each other, and that’s way sexier than the “mystery” of the chase.
  6. Your relationship needs to change if it’s going to progress. All milestones are important in your relationship — there’s the first kiss, the first time you tell each other you love each other, the first time you stay over at each other’s houses… Your relationship will change as you reach each of these milestones, but it’s important that it does because it signals growth.
  7. There’s still a chase if you keep your eyes opened. Security is an illusion. There will never be complete security or comfort in a relationship — anything can happen. This is scary sometimes but it’s also liberating. It means that you can keep all that initial magic alive to keep the relationship thriving. The more engaged you both are in keeping things fresh, the longer they’ll stay that way.
  8. You can lose the anxiety for something better. Sure, sometimes the chase is more fun than getting what you want, but only if you’re a drama magnet who needs lots of tension to be happy. Settling down with someone might then feel like an anti-climax after a thrilling chase, but it’s a really good thing. Nothing beats that feeling of being comfortable and getting real with someone. Who needs the drama, anyway?
  9. You get exciting new journeys. Once the chase ends, the really good stuff begins. There are lots of new things to achieve and if you have fun at every single stage of your relationship, you’ll never have a dull moment. You’ll be invigorated with everything that happens and connect with your partner through all your experiences. The chase is then just the start of the fun, not the end of it.
  10. Crap gets real — but that’s a good thing. The end of the chase leaves you and your feelings exposed. You might want to push aside anything real (commitment issues, much?) and stick to the safety of the chase so that you don’t have to give so much of yourself and risk losing your heart. But honestly, the best ride is when things get serious. Compared to those highs and lows, the chase is child’s play.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.
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